a Postcard from Banda Neira

in a clean white dress somewhere on the coast, a table for two. black coffee, scramble egg, and a bread. a picnic and the sky, clear blue without a cloud. hot sunny day. falling in love. on the wooden couch by the sea, underneath a brown classic gazebo which cover you from the burning sunbeams. sipping hot coffee, eating breakfast, a small slice of buttered bread. for the egg, save the best for the last you said. it was 7 in the morning. small island. so far away. 

it’s all in the eyes. “i can tell you are deeply loved loved loved”. a bracelet, a swan on it. which i lost on a hike with the apple of my eye. i managed, i got another one. i asked for the exact same one. wearing it reflects elegance, softness, love, peace, and devotion. a proof of how much i'm loved loved loved. clumsy, i know i am, but i promise i’ll take a good care of anything he gave me. anything. everything. 

a matching white shirt, i got mine oversized. it’s yours. a spice island it said. with nutmeg and cloves pattern on the back. “do you believe in a love that is unexpected?” i said maybe now i do. that kind of love that feels like a blanket in a cold cold rainy days. a love that feels like the first sip of a hot coffee in the morning. a love that feels like your favorite meals when you are starving. a love that feels like a cold water in a hot midday. a love that completes your puzzle. a love that makes you feel safe and well taken care of. no rush and just a soft gentle palette. like a miracle and magic. 

a soft love like coming home.

a small rain. drizzle. i swear it was sweet. a far away island. first time visit. yet it felt familiar. it welcome you like home. like a homecoming reunion with your people. 

September

one day at a time, tender and alive. 

mount hike, core memory. trees and leaves. a little rain on the way up, serene and soothing. us two making friends with nature and mother earth. with you beside me even the lightest rain feels like the earth breath softer, settling the world around into something tender. 

a soft gentle love. i didnt look for anything but it came all of a sudden. like a big surprise on a random tuesday night which none expected.

you; thursday night, 9, navy blue, october, 6 pm, sunset, windy evening, warm breeze on the beach, black coffee, fresh sweet light cinnamon scent. 

you came to provide a soft spoiled life.

North

on a vast grand night sky, upon constellations, you are my North star. just like the cassiopeia that circles around the north star. i drawn to your light, orbiting you in every season. 

every turn i take, every season i move through, from time to time, every now and then, in every possibilities, in every realities. you remain; the steady point my universe quietly leans toward. you’re like a gravity, pulling me closer toward your orbit. 

East

timezone is eastern time. the moon looks brighter on the east side of the earth. calm, coastal, beautiful islands. some friendly islanders, folklore and culture. it feels like a love story written in the island. a place too beautiful to believe it is real. the turquoise water, slow breezes, and the warm hospitality. a place for slow mornings and long walks. a place where time feels softer. a place where history and nature blend like poetry. a place where the sea feels like a love letter. 

In the AM

slow waves. everything moves slower; the sea, the wind, even time itself. it’s the kind of place you start loving softly, a quiet that feels like home. it feels like somewhere your soul has already known for a long long time. blue water, warm air, a quiet that wraps you like love, and hand holdings that never let go. here the sea heals and the heart feels strangely understood (in a good way) and listened. 

Radiance

the soft glow it brings into life, the way your love stretches without edges. reaching me in places, like a night sky that only expands, giving me home to breath to be hold all at once. 

Above the horizon

Cassiopeia resting above us, the North Star steady in the distance, the sea breathing slow against the shore. it feels like standing on an island brushed by history and constellation, where the world is quiet enough for the heart to whisper the dreams. and everything feels like an answered prayer. one by one, everything that once only a dream suddenly all checked, and even better.

Cassiopeia tracing her luminous “W” across the night. It’s the way the sea holds its quiet, the way the sky keeps its promises, the way my heart recognizes its home in you.

NEIRA might be it: a love letter written in the night sky and rooted in the soft glow of Banda’s shores.

I just knew im not really into long sail. i missed the island and the memories in between. can we took a flight instead for the upcoming agenda, eh?

I don't want to cry like that again...

let me stroke your hair with my soft hands. last night was February 25th, it was kinda special. for it was Sunday when we both got to spend the day together, you took me to a cafee and we had brunch. walking upstairs on the second floor with the view; sunny day, ocean blue, white sands, ships on the shore bringing some loads, tuna fish probably. lemon tea was the drink we ordered, it’s not the usual, no coffee, just lemon tea. the chicken steak I ordered was good, hot plate, potato and carrot on the side. you ate your favorite seafood and asked me which one’s my favorite between chicken and duck. the food was good.

the clear blue February’s sky, uncovered by the clouds, always ever-bewitchingly stunning, pretty sure they are packed with pixie dust and warm pecks of memories. there’s even the moon or is it a big sprinkle of pixie dusts? one can only wonder.

i can tell the sky was quite bright, too bright, and the breeze was too strong and my eyes couldn’t even properly opened, half opened and still struggled with the dust flying through the wind. the whole afternoon was too good, deep convos over things that we dont even know the answer yet. the mystery of the universe and the things in between.

you wore your deep army shirt with that blue jeans and that smile behind your brown blackish eyes. on the way home 6 pm in the evening, choosing which spot to stop by, watching the sun sets. getting some snacks and you ordered hot chocolate as i took water instead. the evening was calm as well as my heartbeat. the yellow, pale, orangish shade of the sky up above making your face a bit red. i told you about writing letters and put it inside a bottle and throw it away on the ocean. a fisherman while fishing on the sea or a seven year old kid might find it and keep it just for the sake of good fortune.

and i dont know when i love your eyes more, when they are half open or open or shut. it’s mid night 00.18 am. now. i stumble upon the thought of you. for some reason i think you’re on a boat or anywhere near the shore, star gazing, taking both of your hands behind your head as a pillow. as I recall I probably already told you about a thousand times how much I love star gazing and how much I love the night sky. 

it’s cold today, but in a spring way. 

February 25th. 

i don't want to cry like that again. I just wish if ever I will cry again, it would be the time, the happiest time with you.

how regrettable that we meet each other so late in life but how fortunate that it’s still not too late. 

all i do here is read a book, write poetry, drink too much coffee, and romanticize my melancholic solitude. who am i if not a lover and a lover of letters? 

you do to my heart what the Aurora Borealis does to the northern sky

a sense of appreciation grew from those tiny little things. all the while in an island so far way so long from home. that day I dwelled on a picture I took in August last year, for it was both such an awful yet my favorite month by far, above simply anything else. there's poetry everywhere; in the traffic light at midnight, within the eyes of strangers, behind the mountain of that green scenery, on the wooden table beside the window, on the favorite perfume which smell like a fresh floral, under the  starry night sky, in the midst of summer breeze in the park, in between dimples when you smile at me.

perhaps in my thinking, some flaw lies. I once believed surely every moment and memories I used to cherish would forever be my favorite. I might be wrong. there's this fear and grief as you solely become the reason for me to keep on going, yet I do know in this world it's either a season or a lifetime. would you please be seasonsssssssssssss with as many "s" till it be a lifetime I stay on this earth?

it might seem foolish, or I am a fool to say that you are sent here for a reason, as you are, in truth, a thousand, million reasons behind every warmth, poem, laughter, and story that we shared everyday. each night, deep down below the vein, knowing that you are here completing the tangled chaotic puzzle I got to fill in this very twisted adventure of  life. with you being around, filling this puzzle up doesn't feel so hard or no, more like it is hard but there's you exist.

on the east an hour doesn't feel like any other, each and every moment is a memory cheer up by the smell of the salty humid wind from the sea shore. I may not good at giving advices but I'd like to listen to any of your random story and complaint.

every little things that I know about you; the color of your eyes when you look at me with that smile, the way your hands hold your cup of hot coffee in a cold night on the deck by the bay, your fear of height and losing someone that you love most, the good old days you had with your friends that sometimes you miss, your mom's ripped jeans that hang behind your door that I wish you would wear it more often, wild animal that you want to pet when you were a kid, the little shake on your voice when you talk about how much you love your mom. you may look cool, hard, and all but deep down I know how fragile, soft, loving, caring, and sweet you are, the other side of you that you don't ever show it up to anyone but me. 

the sea shore, with its charming, bewitching shades of blue, and the azure sky above the horizon; that holds a thousand smile, deeper and deeper allure the beauty of nature. sometimes it's about who you are with when you listen to the calming waves as you witness the pink purplish sky before dusk by the bay near the runway. taking pics with my analog, pointing at that big ship before it sailed the sea. under the moonlight, my heartbeat was in solace, as I have found soft spot within your heart, let it be my own acceptance of the fragments that lingers in between reality. 

not all quiet spaces need to be filled with any kind of sound, surely there must be some sort of meaning to all the little things, the passing day and night, you are not merely the moon on the the northern sky, you are my favorite constellation, you are the Cassiopeia of my own constellation.
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when I go home the next summer…. (to be continued…)

P.S. you do to my heart what the Aurora Borealis does to the northern sky

August of rain summer

"some days in late August at home does feel like this, the air thin and eager like this, with something in it sad and nostalgic and familiar..." -William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury

a season of shooting star, meteor showers, the night when I waited after such a long long summer. it was late august! the light in the trees, golden hours, long way home, wild flowers between the green grass on the meadow. do you remember the night when I asked you to see the moon eclipse? we both sat down on the deck by the bay, cold night as the air rushed in from the south, bringing some good memories on the day we met. a little town. white sand beaches. calm ocean waves. wrecked ships on the bay that we could see from above the bridge. kids playing soccer on the field down under the bridge. 

when I see the moon, I could clearly wrapped the days I spent with you, french fries, coffee after the sunset, hot tea, and jellyfish.

august of another summer, the smell of iced matcha in the midst of hot sunny day on a Saturday afternoon. 

I think it's nice that we shared the same sky. at times I look up at the sky and I know that we both can see the moon, so even though we are not actually in the same place and we are not actually together, we kinda are, in a way, you know?

"it's raining outside, you are not here. even the clouds couldn't handle your absence."

cloudy evening and handwritten letter. she loves the sky, she loves how it turns into oranges, pink, and even a mixture of red. her heart becomes light as she stares at the beauty of the sky. she loves taking photos of the moon and sunsets as she believes that just like this, endings can be beautiful too. the sky, calm waves at the beach, and sunsets are her healing and it gives her peace of mind. 

august was something else and despite all the odds, the moon would always be there when you look up above the sky.

August 10th 1999, sunset at the beach

Thursday evening, sunny days, and the heart is warmer than ever

I was hoping it would be easy like a Sunday morning,

clock's ticking in rush telling us that our time's limited,

only few hours left before the war

riding through the south, "wanna go see the sunset?" you asked

the wind was cold but you were as warm as the morning sunshine in the summer

all along the way I held you tight, knowing that the evening would fade

you took me to the beach

somewhere we've never been to,

it wasn't really our thing visiting random places but that evening was special

watching the sun sets by the beach

the sky was pretty in color, pinkish, and clear blue like it was mirroring the sea

"lets go see the sunset, but promise that you wont cry" you said

you told me not to be sad (hundred times as I can count)

you told me to always be happy

you, me, and the sea

we sat on a rocky side by the beach,

you light your cigarette as we fooling around and complaining how time flies way too fast

hoping that August would also fly like a blink of an eye, 

you knew how I could sit here all day just to stare at the beach

and with you by my side, I could feel the calm inside me

you let me all sat there quietly and stared at the horizon up above the sea

daydreaming, we both know it all too well that's the only thing Im good at

I like it when you let me do my weird things in peace, do nothing and just stare at the moon and the pinkish sky up above,

I could feel the way you stare at me every once in a while as I breath the fresh salty air

you insisted to take picture of me but I said no because I was shy,

I just wanted to spend the evening with you

behind us was a green meadow, hills, and not so far away from the runaway

"there's no flight here in the evening, the last one's usually at 4pm" you said as I asked you why there's no aircraft in sight

I closed my eyes as the wind blew my black scarf and pulled some moist salty air and dusty white sands into my face

birds chirping, singing their happy song like it was telling us that the sun will set

bringing the promise of the dawn in the next morning

that evening just felt so calm and I feel safe being with you

To all sunshine, rainbows, lilies and happy days that will come after this

I hope you always win in life 

............

Bread, meat, and tofu— A short story

vol 1: eps 1

it was August 1999 when the weather was not so good, it rain  and cold. it wasn’t rainy days actually but that evening was different. heavy rain and cold wind as if it says “stay, dont go home, it’s rain outside.”. 

I wore my brown shirt, white jeans, and my fav shoes. the look was casual and simple to get along with the situation that evening. it was Saturday, first week of august 1999. the night was long but actually it did slip away in a glimpse of time. the song in the car made the evening even more alive and fun in the midst of the cold rain that left me feel like a dandelion. it was cold but somehow it felt warm just like the east wind. *east wind: blows grey mist and sends down cold rains upon the earth. i believe it wasn’t supposed to be raining but maybe the sky was just sending us a sign or a message. maybe we just didn’t know and still don’t know what it was. we were just guessing and will always keep guessing of what might come after. but after all, im just wishing you a happy life and good luck!

we don’t know what the future holds but whatever it is, i hope it is only joy…

notes: see you on some other eps and vol i guess

can I see you anytime soon?

By the midst of February, it was two weeks before my birthday when I found myself almost cry at the warmth of its presence. it was a short meeting. a whole noon well spent at the park above the hill. it was cloudy mid day, as if the sky wearing a veil to hide his true color, yet I could see clearly the cities below the hill and all the greens. The view's quite beautiful, looking at the scenery on the other side of the hill made me feel peaceful. the greens and the line of the mountains remind me of waking up in the country, first thing in the morning when Im all alone. I have not yet spoken to a soul, I look outside at the window and it is serene. If I could only be the only person left in the world and yet, somehow Im not lonely. Im at peace.

as the clock ticking and time passing by, in the afternoon when the sun went to its peak and the sun light gave a purplish glow, it did give me peace and inner contentment to always feel grateful for all the little things. the warmth of that midst February was just perfect and it reminds me to the idea of living in a far away land. where I could hear the birds chapping on the tree just outside the window and the sound of the flowing water from a stream behind the house and perhaps on an island which also offer cold winter yet a warm atmosphere. 

the wind blew and I could see how the leaves fall down from its branch leaving the tree. February was just as sweet as that October evening, and as warm as that December night. Did u know I like the way you stare at me when you tell me stories and the way you call my name? basically I adore almost everything that you do, almost. I still hate it, the way you said that you dont like latte just because latte was originally from America and you dont like most americans. you cant judge a coffee by its origin you know, I said. you should've ordered a latte or black coffee, though. it's been months, can I see you anytime soon?

Distance

I know it's hard for you but dont you think that it's hard for me too? not being able to hug you when i know you need it the most, not being able to be there when you need me, not being able to show up at your door just to cheer you up when ure sad and tired, not being able to look into your eyes and telling you that everything is going to be okay when you are desperate about your business, not being able to whisper and telling you "hey we can get thru this" when college stuff seems so overwhelming, not being able to punch you in the face or kick your ass😠 when you're being so lazy and procrastinate a lot, not being able to comfort you when you are at the hospital, not being able to even meet you when i miss you so bad, not being able just to have lunch or hang out with you just because the distance is just so far away. Do you know how worried i was when you got sick and i didnt hear anything from you? How worried i was when i ask you "are u okay" but didnt get any reply? I was worried about you, cause i know there's nothing i could do but calling and texting and praying. 

Do you think it's easy for me to resist the feeling of missing you everyday? You just dont know how much i worry about you when you were there alone at the hospital and knowing that i was just being useless here and couldnt do anything about it cause we were and still two hundreds KM apart. I know it's hard and i know the distance is just too painful to both of us. Im sorry, i wish i could do a thing about it. For now maybe we could only be there for each other virtually, but there's more awaits in the future and it could be distance too. We've been separated by distance all this time, dont make it even harder. We can do it.

But do you know what's good about distance? The fact that we could appreciate presence more. We may only meet once in three or four months but I could sense how much we value those short meetings, even if it's just a day or two. I know you sacrificed a lot just to show up visiting me here in town. With your workload that is as high as the burj khalifa and your grand masterplan to start a business, i know how much things that you keep aside just to make time with me and to buy me my favorite ice cream. And i thank you for that. It's been two months since the last time we met, and we need another month to wait until we both could finally meet again only for another two or three days worth of meeting. See you on the next date, eh?

Representing UNICEF Jordan, Education and Children

Few weeks ago, in the middle of my exam week I joined MUN conference, and I was representing Jordan and my council was UNICEF. It's a pleasure to represent Jordan, back then when I was in highschool I kinda obsessed with Petra, an archaelogical site in Jordan's Southwestern desert. This place also appeared on Transformers movie by the way. I wonder how could people back then built such an amazing palace, carved a rock and turned it into temples and even palaces. Sometimes I want to travel back in times just to visit historical places and get to know how actually people live in the ancient times. 

Okay back to the topic, let's talk about something serious ehe:) Jordan, UNICEF, and children. As we all know, UNICEF works on the importance of humanitarian and developmental aid to children. And Jordan plays an important role in promoting children’s education and rights on a global scale, including helping child refugees from the neighboring countries in the Middle East.

In my opinion, without adequate access to education, we cannot build an ideal and safe society to help the children reach their potential. Children deserve to live in a safe, peaceful, and inclusive environment. How about Jordan's Government? Jordan has made significant improvements for children and their well-being over the years. But children from poor families and displaced children from the neighboring countries are still at risk. 

Therefore, efforts in protecting children’s rights must focus on quality education, empowering a safe environment for the children, and promoting a world peace especially towards the neighboring countries. all children have the right to be protected from violence, exploitation and abuse. With this concern, I think we all should work together to provide a safe and adequate quality of education for the children especially those who are at risk.

July

Behind all the busyness and the workload of July's classes, there lay a persistent night story that I wanted to last forever. Something that kept me awake till 2 am or even 3 am in the morning. It was the call of July's wind from across the island. July's been good to me, so far it's my favorite, i mean I dont know what's gonna happen in august but yeah hope it's gonna be good as well. 

All those sweet and good memories in July is well stored in my journal. I like to write down stuff that Ive been doing all day and make list for tomorrow's schedule to make sure I dont lose my track haha. Also it's good to stumble upon that nostalgic feeling when I read my journal once in a while. I know something's gonna change soon or later, I could feel it. People change, time flies, well yea people come and go:) that's life. No matter how hard you hold on that string, if they dont share the same amount of force, it's better to let go. There's no point on holding on something that doesnt want to be hold.

I know this not-so-fairy tale wouldn't last forever even if I want it to be. 

I have so much stories this whole month, giving a birthday surprize to a friend, endless assignments,  studying with a friend on the phone till late at night and often end up talking till 2 am in the morning discussing about nonsense stuff and laughing over our own stupidity. Well yea that's some stuff that keep me sane these kinda days, i mean it's been good having a friend to talk to, to share some creepy stories from the past with, and for a companion when you wanna watch horror movie but ure scared, well yea u can just call ur friend and ask them to keep talking on the phone so u wouldnt feel alone.  

I like how people keep sliding on my notif bar asking whether Im awake yet during morning class and how my friends keep calling me on the phone when I havent showed up yet in class. I believe people are all good at heart. 

July means we've survived this far haha 6/12, a half of a journey in a year. Time flies, and how could I still take so many things for granted:( There's something to be said about taking time and swallowing every single moments it serves. To notice the intricacies of feelings. Sometimes the world we are living makes us ignore the tiny lil thing that stop by, instead we end up just existing without living the moment. 

How July has come to an end is a proof that time's fleeing. July's been good to me and too good to leave:( 

Anyway, Eid Mubarak!! Selamat nyate bersama keluarga:)

Study life #update

Who would've thought that this semester I would attend my classes online. Literally from home. With the outbreak of the corona virus, I could see how the world is changing in any way. Lockdown. Social distancing. Work from home. Quarantine. Stay at home. 

For some people it may be a hell of a time but for some other it could mean paradise. Me? For this one introvert, Im totally seeing it as a heaven:) I really love and enjoy this whole stay at home stuff. Stay in my room 24/7 wearing socks and put my hoodie on. Embracing the cold weather of my hometown and eating my mom's breakfast menu everyday. 

What so weird about online classes is the fact that I could literally fall asleep during the lecture, zoom meeting. It would never occur in my life for once that I'd be enjoying my lecture this much, laying down on my bed during classes while reading the materials from the professor and make resume. That's pretty much what I enjoy the most about online class. I dont deny that the workload is undeniably overload hahah but I really enjoy doing it. Also with the online classes I dont have to do a presentation in front of people hehe. Im not that good in public speech but Im willing to learn even tho i have to keep aside my shyness but this moment im taking it for granted, a whole semester without a presentation nor speak in front of the class hehe.

I dont think I have done my very best but I kinda satisfied of how I could cope with the flow and the workload. This, actually me trying to appreciate my effort and work hehe:)

Anyway, Today is my last day of mid term exam, first time doing exam online haha and how was it? Well the most interesting part is the paper assignments, I have always loved the idea of writing stuff including paper haha i mean I know that's kinda depressing sometimes but it does trigger my braincells to think and force my fingers to write whatever it is that pop up in my head. I dont think that I would get a paper assignment when I do classes offline, instead it would always be get in to a class and do the exam for like 2 hours and then you go back to your dorm. Stress out and complain about hundred pages of ppt slide that you have to understand for the next day. With the online classes, the open-book method is kinda help to lessen my worries. I mean I dont have to memorize all those slides but I just need to understand the concept and the big picture. 

I spent weeks, learning and studying; slept at 3am yet I really enjoy every second of it. Alhamdulillah. Well, Im not that straight A's student. I don't study 24/7 for college stuff and wallow in unnecessary stress over a piece of paper but I have always found happiness and pleasure while learning, discovering new things, and seeking knowledge. Because I know I lack in so many things and I need to fix it or at least Im trying to.

At the moment I have 3 days worth of holiday after midterm exam and Im gonna take it as a bless and take a break from the college-related stuff. Im planning on painting, writing (hopefully I could also write stuff here for the next 3 days in a row), and reading my books *also fyi I've ordered some books haha cuz Im running out of it:) hope it arrives soon, so I could indulge myself into my comfort zone reading books in peace. 

Good luck for everyone who's doing classes online, we are in this together.

Perspective and point of view

It was a well spent evening at the ocean shore. Under the cloudly skies with no stars to stare at, I remember how you told me about your childhood. You laughed as you recalled those mischief memories about how you and your two friends messing around the neighborhood, knocking at doors then run away.

I could see perfectly how your dimples were curved.

you told me about your first time seeing a baseball match in Boston and someone from the bench above you spill her drinks on your white shirt.

You were laughing like a 5 yo kid as you recall those memories.

"Can I ask u something?" You said

"What? Yea sure."

Then you said something in french

"Oh cmon I did have french class in highschool but that doesn't mean Im that fluent." I said as I breath in the warm yet cold breeze of that evening air.

You laugh and mocked me cuz I had spent 3 years learn french in highschool yet Im still not fluent.

As the time passes by, I remember how you pointed out at the sky when a bird flew above us.

"I always wanted to be a bird." You said

"Well let me guess, you want freedom, just like that little bird having his own freedom, flying around without burden on his shoulder."

"Correct. Why you always know what Im thinking?" You smiled and moved your eyes toward the calm ocean waves.

"I have a super power, reading your mind haha. And one more thing, you want to see things from above so you could see in wider perspective. Big picture means better understanding." I exclaimed and I could totally understand what you were thinking.

"Yeah, when you see something in a bigger perspective, it'll make you realize that our judgement means nothing. Everything might be correct in our own perspective. That's why there's always 2 sides of a story. People see different things based on their own perspective." This time I could see how you effortlessly pour out your deep thoughts into a simple logic, unlike me who like to say things in tangled methaporical nonsense way haha.

"And also we will never know how they see things nor how they feel things until we walk in their shoes. walk the path they have traveled, live their sorrow, doubts, fear; feel their pain and laughter.” now you know what I mean by methaporical nonsense way, I always say things in complicated philosophical vague-meaning kind of way:) *is that even a word???

"Each and one of us has a different point of view. And that what makes us unique as an individual." Once again you succed in making a simple yet deep meaning statement. I always like listen to your story.

Things are a lil bit complicated and so are we, humans. With a little times the universe has given to us, somehow it doesn't make us learn and realize about all those beautiful little things yet we still argue over thing that has no soul.

It is true, sometimes we need to get away for a lil while to think, to contemplate, and to realize that life is simple. Beautiful. And full of meaning.

As the sun went down on the horizon, you told me how you were happy and enjoy the evening. And the idea of talking about things in my nonsense philosophical kind of way.

"You know what, I really like talking to you. I wish we could meet again some time." You said as you remembered you have flight to catch the next day in the morning to get back home across the continent.

It really was a meaningful and beautiful evening in the ocean shore. Now I have realized how precious time is and how things should be seen in a wider perspective. Upon things that I ponder, journey that I've walked in, I realize there's this one thing that should be placed in front of the line,

not to be judgemental,

For we never know what others have been through. Their pain, sorrow, tears and laughter.

Under the moonlight and the blink of the night stars I come to a point where I discover a treasure chest. I have noticed how the raging waves listen to the weather. And how the moon could never complain to the sun about its dazzled lights.

For the years to come, I wish you luck.


☆☆☆☆
P.s.

Those story above is based on my own experience with my canadian friend, who is very kind, funny, non-judgemental, and open-minded.  Im just adding a few methapor to make it worth reading:) Hope youre doing good and have fun doing kayak haha. And good luck learning ur japanese!

a few from the Camera Roll

beside all the madness, mean faces, and the traffic jam, Jakarta's just has a certain kind of feeling to it that makes you want to come back, even for just a moment-

It has been quite the busy and confusing past couple months for this one introvert. it has been a little past few weeks of doing my class online, a whole lot has changed, something is indeed never occur in my thought like ever, including how I found myself actually fell asleep few times during morning class in my very own bedroom in my house. so weird. I have been introduced to the term of quarantine, social distancing, zoom conference, online class and what soever this very year. again, so weird. but yea everything happens for a reason, this one pretty much is because of the corona outbreak:) 

It is now my second year in college and throughout my normal days at the campus (the good old days without the outbreak) I have been given so much time to enjoy myself and spend my time alone but this past few months I've managed to a lil bit resist my introverted tendencies of being exhausted by people and crowd, and instead I found myself few times going out, seeing the city lights, visiting new places, and doing things. life always has a funny way to surprise me, in a good beautiful way. the month of November alone has filled with laughter and exciting things and moments worth remembering.

Gultik

November was the month I got to finally try Gultik for the first time. for a long while I've heard about this famous jakarta street food here and there. my friends and I managed to get there after class. we delightfully enjoyed our meal and the atmosphere of the midnight breeze of Jakarta. the place itself was on the sidewalk and there were lot of other people too, enjoying their late night meal.

Plaza Indonesia, Jakarta

also November was the very first time I actually did a late night riding around Jakarta with my friends. Enjoyed the city lights and the skyscraper view along the way. it wasn't a night full of stars, it was cloudy but the atmosphere and the cold midnight-breeze of Jakarta were a perfect jar to pour out all my imaginations, dreams, and thoughts. it was like a fairy tale that bubbling above my head all the way long. I wish I brought my notes and wrote it down all my random thoughts and ideas. when it's above midnight, there always come a deep talk conversation and actually a perfect time to contemplate life.

being the night owl that I am, I practically always get the exciting feeling when plans converge and I end up doing my to-do-list, that pretty much is an achievement for me. but today I don't feel like I wanna check my to list notes and now I find myself trying to write something out of nowhere in blog after installing an app for my saturday class which probably took an hour. well I kinda consider it as a day off after days of sleepless night and tiring days.

Fireworks and new year's eve

at the start of January and the last night of December, I end up far from home in the middle of the night with my friends. New year eve 2020, was the time I found myself watching the new year's eve fireworks in the midst of Jakarta, along the street of Sudirman-Thamrin. beside the rainy night of January first, the fireworks was still amazing and had a pleasant kind of feeling of those nostalgic childhood where I always went to the city with my papa in the middle of the night just to watch the sparkling sky of fireworks in new year's eve.

Selamat Datang Monument, also known as Bundaran HI Monument

beside all the madness, mean faces, and the traffic jam, Jakarta's just has a certain kind of feeling to it that makes you want to come back, even for just a moment-- for the story, for the conversation and for the memories.

Cordelia it is

....
"Sometimes I regret it when I being open up to someone, you know?"
"Then why did you?"
"I dont know, maybe I feel like that person can be trusted or maybe deep down I want that person to be someone special whom I can trust??"
"How do you even define someone's trustworthy in the first place?"
"Well I don't know"
"Okay you dont know, that's stupid."
"Maybe I am?"
"You definitely are."
"Have you ever felt like you know a person's about to be someone special to you?"
"Like what?"
"Never mind."
"Ok you weird."
"Thanks, Ok random question, what's your fav season?"
"Winter, you?"
"Fall."
"Why?"
"I dont know, maybe cuz it has something to do with falling in love like love love. You know what I mean?"
"Hm maybe yes maybe no i dont know"
"What's love exactly, anyway?"
"Idk my mama never told me also it's a lie I think"
"Why'd you think like that?"
"Idk cuz people change, feeling fades????"
"Interesting, never thought that way."
"Then how you define about it?"
"Well one thing I know, it's gonna break you at some point."
"Which point?"
"Idk dont ask me."
"Is it like what people said as broken heart?"
"Maybe."
"Idk either."
"Anyway, can someone unlove someone?"
"Maybe yes maybe no, idk."
"Ok."
"Ok."
"But u know u can't forget someone, right?"
"I do."
"Why can't we?"
"Idk maybe cuz memories stay and people don't?"

"So anyway, how do they call you?"
"It's Cordelia. What's your name?"
"I don't have a name."


P.s. it's from Cordelia PoV anyway:) also about the other character's name, it's your guess haha

Cycling around with a half dozen of kids:)

Today I did my little-workout routine by cycling around and it was'nt in the morning but around 4.30 pm. So in case u re wondering what I do during this two-months of holiday, yep #cycling is one of my new routine. This past few weeks I've been trying so hard to fix my habits, cause u know holiday makes me lazy as h€€£:( eat-sleep repeat hehe:( but I swear to God it wasn't all that bad:( cuz I also participated in some events in the neighborhood (probably I should make a post about this too, so I can claim that I am not a hardcore ansos HAHAHAHA #JK bc Im that shy, quiet, awkward, and weird xD wkwkw also my mama would go mad if I don't socialize with the society:))) so yea Im trying to make some contributions to the society hehe. Ok sure Im gonna write my experience in getting to know "the society" and what kind of events I participated during this holiday in the next post cuz why not????? Wkwkw

Ok back to the story, I was cycling around and I wasn't alone like usual cuz today I got some new companions haha. So, on my way about 700 meters cycling from my home I saw a half dozen kids who were playing on their bike and just talking to each other and indeed they were all look so happy and innocent. omggg I miss my childhood!! being a kid and chill:")

As I pull my bike and get close to them, they noticed me and shouting at me "MBA EROOO!!!" 100x XD 
and I was like *what's happening??!!* "haloo hehe" *put my nicest face on*. 

They asked me where Im going, and I told them Im about to sepedaan.

And then they were all following me HAHAHA. In case ure asking they re my neighboors

Usually it just took me 30 minutes ride to finish the route but today it took more than an hour cuz I gotta adjust my speed with the kids. We cycled together, they talked, laugh, and argued over silly things xD well mostly I just listened and laugh over their jokes. I feel like I wanna take as many pics but didn't take any cus I didn't bring my phone T_T and it happened very often, when Im not bringing my phone, the universe always offers me something beautiful like today. Beautiful sky, view, and a half dozen of pure human were following me and cheering me up huhuhu I can not. My heart just couldnt handle such pure and beautiful soul. I love kidzzz:((((

And oh they were Jojo, Yoga, Faro, Gilang, Bayu, and Lana. Actually I didn't know all of their name at the beginning but I tried to remember each and one of them cuz they are all my brother's friends????? I got all their name but there's this kid that i don't know his name, help! Then I asked, it turned out he's Bayu, yaAllah ternyata cm tetangga belakang rumah hahaha sorry:( they are all 7 or 8 yo kiddos i think. Masi polos dan tidak berdosa:(

We ride our bike and in the middle of the road, we saw a kid struggling to fix his bike, it was broken, Its chain was off and locked on the iron ring of the tire or whatsoever I dont know how to call it xD. Then we stopped and helped that kid to fix his bike. I mean the kids helped that kid *im excluded* bc I was just watched and learned:))) As they fixed the bike together the kids chatted with that kid like they had known each other #mashaAllah.
At first they were not sure whether they can make it because it was kinda difficult to pull the chain out of the iron ring. It was stuck. But in the end they did it. And they were all shouting "ALHAMDULILLAH" and smiled. Kids are kind hearted and humble and pure and cute huhu my heart♡

-This is the most interesting part- as the bike got fixed, the kid that we helped just cycled his bike and ran without say a thank:))) well maybe he was shy hehe like me:) so the kids were like exchanging look *angry look*why didn't he say thanks?????* and they were just lauging HAHAHAHA like *what just happened*

"It's okay guys if he doesn't thank us for what we did. As long as we did it sincerely. Also it was just one tiny favor:)" Gilang said. And I was like ????????? SPEECHLESS!!!!

"Yeah ure right"

"Let's go and just forget it:)"

Then we continue our route and we parted and went home. Alhamdulillah what a lovely evening. Got so much thing to learn and that's my story for today:)

Hey, it's me, Rocket.

I woke up earlier that day. First day of spring break. I was on my way running and jogging around. I opened the door and I stepped on something, kind of paper(?) I was not sure. I picked up that thing, a letter, apparently. Someone has put in under my dorm door. I have no idea who's that from. I took it, my hands shaking. I stepped back, brought it on to my desk.  A letter sealed neatly with no name on the envelope and no receiver name on it. I started open the letter slowly, so I wont disturb my roomate, my best friend, who's still asleep. I began read the letter which clearly from Mr/Mrs/Ms Anonymous and delivered for me(?) Well I wasnt really read the letter. At first I saw rocket, aurora borealis, celestial, and other astronomy-ish words. The handwriting wasn't so good to be honest yet still neat and read-able(?) This might a random letter about astronomy phenomenon, I thought, since few days ago was a solar eclipse, which was amazing. Here is what the letter says:

"Hey Venus! It's me, Rocket. How are you? Hope you are good. Wonder if I might scared you bc of this odd letter. I just wanna say thank you, for all your support you've given to me. Well, not only me I guess, since you are very kind, nice, and generous to all earthlingers:) it's a pleasure to meet you, a beautiful young woman just like aurora borealis, a rare one with only goodness inside. Im off tomorrow, to my dream place, on my way chasing my greatest desire. Become the first human being to stay in next door planet for awhile, it's not so far away, we're still on the same galaxy, don't worry about me, I'll be okay. Everything's gonna be alright, I promise. I'll send you how's earth actually looks alike from here, must be beautiful. I'll always watch you anyway, just look above you, I'll be right there, on your south side sky from your dorm window. I'll be there, above the sky, well on the same sky:) ...be good, Venus. I'll be back soon and I hope to see you on earth. 

-Rocket-"

My cheeks wet, right after I finished read the letter. He said he's my rocket. I couldn't speak. His words was so sincere. I felt like something hit my chest. I barely breath. All I could say is good bye Rocket, Im gonna be okay, don't worry about me. I hope to see you here. I whispered. I sobbed. I wiped my tears with my hands shaking. Worried I couldn't see him again. But I do believe we will meet again, he has made his promise.

See you, Rocket.

Morning chit chat between a dad and his daughter

Background and location: On one shining morning in the edge of a town, not so far away from the market, a girl sat down in the kitchen with her dad while her mum still busy cooking and prepare breakfast. Dad was enjoying his coffee. His daughter sat on his lap anyway. Daughter drank a cup of tea (sweet tea; for detail). 

"Dad may I ask you something?" She said as she drank her tea

Then her dad answer; "ask away my sweetie, ask away."

"What is 'real world', dad? Is it different from mine? Why do I don't know if there's an other world out there, maybe? Is it nice to live in real world, dad? Does other people know it already, dad, or is it just me who have no idea about the real world?"

"Oh sweetie, such a hard question to answer." Her dad said

"So neither of us know about the real world? i guess." The little girl (about 7 years old) said as she approach her mum that handed her a full plate of toast. 

"Well, my dear. Real world is just same as our, dear, the earth. It's always nice regardless where we live or who we are, as long as we can enjoy our life, no matter where we live, we could always be happy as well. Listen, sweetie, sometimes things are hard and far away from our expectation and sometimes thing disapoint us. That's life, my dear. Maybe you can relate it when you are older or above 17 I guess, but it's okay to learn about life earlier *smile*. There will come a moment when you feel sad, fail, afraid, fall, and many more things that lead us to giving up in any way. The key is always find a new hope and dream, sweetie, never ever giving up! no matter how hard your life is. Indeed, life is hard basically. But we have to face it, struggle, keep trying, and one more thing, live your life and be grateful." Her dad said

"My dear, people has their own challenge. So, if you have difficulties on your way, don't worry, there's people who might facing harder challenge. Good luck honey!" Her dad said

P.S not so interesting post I guess:(

I fear 'fear'. She said

I look outside through a window from the coffee shop in the very heart of my town. The moonlight keep that night fully awake. And it was in the middle of May as I remember. That place is pleasant for me, I could hide from the bustling and let my mind take a deep joy breath. I brought my book that day as usual. My favourite is cappucino anyway but Im fancy white coffee lately. I used to steal drink my dad's coffee before breakfast (typical unhealthy kid) . After few hours I enjoyed my coffee and almost finish 4 chapters of my book, a girl staring into a chair in front of me. I gave her a little smile and she kinda approached me and sat on an empty chair ahead me. "Mind if I accompany you enjoy your coffee, not really tho. I mean can I sit down here. I couldn't find anywhere else to sit. Everywhere is full." She said as I stared at her. "That's ok, no wonder it's saturday night haha." I said

We didn't talk much, just like what she said, just accompany me to enjoy my coffee. It felt weird to drink coffee with a stranger who sat right in front of you without saying any word, so I decided to ask her random questions that appear on my head and we were laughing together. All of sudden she asked me such a question but her explanation about her own question was beyond good. Well, she asked me "things I fear the most". And I was like why on earth did she ask me that question??????

"Er... shall I answer your question? Well umm, Im afraid of serpent thing, and umm... crazy people, and maybe being lost in outer space." I said as I turn my book page.
"So you are afraid of snake? Hahaha." She kinda laughing at me with her funny and clean face (no pimples at all wow) and she has a beautiful pair of sharp brown eyes.
"well, kind of *chuckle* And how about you anyway?" I said.
"I fear 'fear'." She said.

It sounds weird at the beginning, but then she told me how fear could be worse than anything else and the thing that actually fear us is fear it self.
Well that's make sense I thought.

P.S after I reread that story above, I do feel it's a bit confusing, but whatever HAHAHA *evil face*