01. 01 am in my study space

Tick tock tick tock... I can feel the clock ticking as the time passes by, leaving me alone with my unfinished-works and thoughts. I stare at the mirror hanging on the wall on my right side, it reflects shadow of the things in my room. I probably didn't do any crucial work today but I do something that makes my soul content and happy. Paint something blurry and abstract on my white drawing-book, make some hand-craft, write something I wish would come in the years ahead. I again feel more content by staying alone in my study space in the corner of my room. In front of me a used starbucks-cup that I made as a my-stuff (stationery and dirty brushes) case, reminds me of the hot black-coffee I drank in the very hot mid-day few days ago. I like to drink coffee. I do. But not the black one. Well something is changing, but change is good. Isn't?

Tick tock tick tock.... i can hear the ticking of my watch i wear on my left wrist. On the wooden desk with scattered stuff of mine, im thinking too deep. Deep enough to drown me along. Alone. Im drowning inside a paradise of solitude, with my thought as my loyal companion. I am free as bird when I am alone. Together with my thought Im swimming in the depth of ocean. Thinking about all the bless the universe has given to me. It is almost 2 in the morning. I am too happy and blessed to close my eyes besides I took a long nap in the noon today. In this solitude night, Im thinking and keep thinking about everything. All that I've been through and all that yet to come. This thought does not burden me. At all. Instead, it reminds me of all the bless the universe has given to me.

Look at the Sky

On the roof of the gazebo in my back yard

I clutch my legs, both my eyes look beyond that wild sky

I hold my tears but I can't

I look up above i cry, i see constellations of hope and wish

I look down i cry, i see soil of abandon dreams

Praise to be Allah, Lord of the worlds

Im sad then I cry

Im glad then I cry

O Lord thou are the greatest

Built a sky full of stars

Without a wound nor a scar

O Lord I look at the sky above me

You have built it without rifts

O Lord I look down the earth

It looks plain with the grain

With mountains and beautiful kinds

Look at the sky

I know it won't cure the cry

but it does give me insight of hereafter

and reminder 'bout day of judgement

Untuk Tayo;

I can't help myself not to write about how happy and gratefuuuul I am for meeting dan get to know a bunch of beautiful souls and amazing people. I am not good at saying goodbye nor facing a farewell, always have been. Thus I won't say it as a goodbye speech, imma call it thank-you-for-the-amazing-memories post instead. It was just a couple days but we've made it like we've known each other for like a decade. More like family than just friends. I am happy and grateful for the love and joy that we've spent together (9 hours each day for the whole amazing 4 days). I am not good at waving hands after paving LOT OF CRAMAZING (CRAZY-AMAZING) MEMORIES. Sending all the loves and kisses to my beloved Tayo family♥

Although I wasn't one of those who made jokes nor the one who made u laugh. cuz i am that shy and jaim and sok pendiem:( hehe pdhl aslinya beh gila hehe. Wait till u guys get to know the real me lol pasti nt kaget wkwk

Really, guys I'VE SPENT MY WHOLE 4 DAYS LAUGHING AND LAUGING because of ur stupid jokes xD bawaanya pen ngakak aja dah pokoknya klo dikelas. And fyi ur smart brain has got me like jeez-why-does-all-of-this-people-sooo-F-amazing-and-hmm-iam-so-doomed cuz iam that stupid:( wkwk AND JEEZZZZZZ U GUYS R REALLY CRAMAZING. Thankzzzz for the memoriessssss! I really am appreciate it so F much. 

Oh and special thanks to my very loving and caring cofas, kak ulik dan kak acong. OMG KAK ACONG U R SO FUNNY and why does muka kak acong very meme-able?! HAHA. AND THE VERY MOTHERLY KAK ULIK♥ 

LOVE U BOTH!♥

Lah? Wkwk meme by Kak Acong

Oiya kak, foto yg dibagiin kmrn udah aku tempel di jurnal yaa. Tp knp yg dicetak yg mukaku lg jelek y?! Wkwkw #peace

For my HY-2 friendzzzz I REALLY LOVE U! seriously guys, kalian kok lucu dan menggemaskan sih?!!! I feel in the need of counting my amazing friends one by one, so here we go. Untuk Bebi, both Adits (krn adit nya emg ada 2 wkwk), Agnes, Aisyah, Alvin, Pepe, Aqilla (yg duduk disamping kanan ku semoga keinginannya utk gain weight bisa segera terwujud wkwk), Ardha, Bagas, Chesa, Daffa, Danar, Dani, Tania, Diandra, Edwin, Emir, Hana, Hanif, Krisna, Hizz, Sari, Fikram, Rista, Melati (yg BIKIN KELAS SELALU RAMEEE!), Ghufron, Nadia, Luthfi (yg tinggi banget! Gila), Nico, Nisa, Oudita, Reyhan, Rizka, Ryko, Rizal, Audrey, Seif, Hesti, Shaylla, Sigit, Talita (yg paling bisa bikin sekelas ketawa), Syahrul (ternyata syahrul juga suka baca buku ky aqooo yesss aku punya temen nerd, kmrn Me and Talita found out syahrul lg baca e-book waktu mau closing ceremony di lap. Pancasila), Vio, Vali, Wening, Salsa, dan Ian. Btw itu ngurutinnya sesuai nama di line wkwkwkwkwkww biar gada yg kecer xD 

THANK UUUUUUUUU SO MUCH FOR THE BEAUTIFUL MEMORIES, teman2 Tayo kuuuu! **IM CRYING MY A$$ OFF:(((** gabisa berkata2 lagi T_T

And for my chairmate, the one who always saved me a seat soalnya aku datengnya selalu mepet:(, thank youuu soo much, beb! (Ini emg her very name is Bebi guys wkwk) we just met a day before, waktu gladi bersih ppsmb, but I did feel like we've known each other FOREVER! Baru kenal udh curhat ngalor-ngidul bae xD this is a pic of My plongo friend and me (aslinya banyak foto aib, tp yg di post disini yg bagus2 aja).

Even words can't describe how much I love u!

But due to something I gotta go:( I'll tell u why; someday (very soon, i hope), when the time is right. See you really soon! I miss u already♥

3 am Thought

Hello guys! How's life? I hope u are good and still live ur dreams:) yes it's been a while since the last time I post something here. Well, maybe I just needed some time to figure something out and contemplated life. I guess life is more complicated than  I thought it'd be haha. But again, life always brings us surprise, sometimes it's pretty beautiful and in other time, it's pretty painful:)

Each day, each week, each month, each year I tryna figure out what life really means. But still, Im clueless about life. As I grow up and being maturer, I think life is maybe like a maze. Once we choose which path we'd take, one second later we should ready for the risk. Good or bad. Either being trapped, stuck, or find the way out. In a maze without knowing the pattern, not much supplies, not much knowledge, and very little guidance, the only thing that would keep us going is hope.

Maybe we are all just a maze runner who runs out of time, chasing our way out to live the little life that we want. When I couldn't sleep in the night, I kept my eyes wide open, staring at the white ceiling above my bed. Thinking. About everything. Maybe I think too much or maybe I worried so much.

Each page of the books that I've read and every movie that I've watched, those all has told me something. No suffer last forever. 

Good Bye Stephen Hawking! May you rest in peace

Sad to hear Stephen Hawking's passing.

So I didn't check my phone today till 5 pm this evening.

I checked my phone and as usual, I opened BBC news. And on the top-stories page was "Stephen Hawking dies aged 76" , He's one of my favorite scientists, his famous works about black hole and cosmos have been my number-one fav cup of tea since forever.

I read stephen's book "a brief history of time" online when I was in middle school (where have I been???) #thankstointernet and since then I always love to read astronomy books and even though I sometimes often dont understand and get confuse, I keep reading it anyway haha. And I also watched his documentary movie "The Theory of Everything" It was an epic film!

 I might not good in science and numbers but I do love science so much #whatthe?????

For me, stephen Hawking is an outstanding and incredibly intelligent scientist! And one more thing, he's funny =)))

Here some of my fav quotes from him

Thank you Mr. Hawking for reminding me to always look beyond the stars and there's always hope.

Rest in peace Mr. Hawking, may you keep flying like superman in microgravity!

Chronicle

On the grassy-slopes stream

Was where I find myself

Glaring upon the blue-ish sky

It turned grey while I look away

I found myself eat a jar full of chocholate

Disguise upon some invisible constellation

For, I knew I couldn't see

For, it was still 4 in the evening

This cold, wet, rainy evening

And thunderbolt that striking from above

Has reminded me of a time

When I lost my pen along with a blue yellow-ish note

For, it was not a tale nor a chronicle

It just an old-fashion story from the past

For, I could only stare in enjoyment

A thing of beauty is a joy forever

Things I thought I know were shaken up

To my equation - it was no blunder

First poem of 2018♥