January

In between i dont even believe it myself that January's gonna end within few hours. It flies way too fast, couldnt grasp what did just happen these past few weeks of January. Tired, happy, laugh, tears, mix feeling. I just cant describe it into some proper phrases, it was idk im a bit too tired to explain these January things. But im grateful, still, regardless all those tears and pain during this first month of the year. Everything's just too much i dont even think i can handle it and yet i can walk through it just like i always do. January's been good and somehow tiring but okay. 

Actually I plan to write more post this year or at least once in a month like some reflections and thoughts during the month, and I do think that's a good idea to get myself do things rather just taking a lot of naps on my leisure. This January is no chill, I would say, first day of work like literally I have a job rn HAHAHA cant believe it now Im in that phase of life. I keep my journal, still, my calendar is full of job-related kinda schedule and that means no more napping and laying on bed all day. 

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This post may sound personal and a bit long I guess but no worries Im a very private person, I can short things out which to share hehehe. well if you notice, all of my post here is actually based on true story but I always add some (much or maybe too much) metaphor so it would worth to read hahahah. just so you know most of the things I wrote here are ummm my unapologetic slash unnecessary??? random thoughts which pop up during unexpectedly random time. 

I thought January was gonna go as planned...

I always remind myself not to expect anything AT ALL hahah but somehow i just couldnt because my default as a person who daydreams a lot is like I always telling myself to make those really damn good scenarios on my head about things that might happen. My bad. 

I thought I would spend my OJT close to my friends in Jakarta and get my bf to visit me on my birthday all the way from sby then go to nearby ice rink and have that ice skating kinda date HAHAHA (well it was all the plan hehe) but I got here in my hometown instead. it's not that Im being ungrateful but I just never imagined it that way, all I think about was I could spend my weekend with my close friends; go somewhere I've never been to; visiting new places; go on a mid night ride on the highway around jkt, cold night, chilly wind, and empty street with some friends; and laugh over silly things and talk about life and suffer together like we always do. Turns out I gotta spend some other months in my hometown exactly in the same place where I took my PKL last year. 

well I shouldnt have imagined all those good things inside my head and now all I got is just disappointment hahahah but okay Im used to it already. it's like yea if I put even just a tiny little expectation on things in the end all I get is just disappointment. I was wishing that my January's gonna lead into something good and fun in February and the month after that as I planned it inside my head. cause February is kinda special to me hehe. 

Lazy January and Im sorry

long story short I spent my first week of January doing what so called "Orientation and On the Job Training" believe me it was kinda depressing because it's been a while since the last time I had class in the morning and January really forced me to get up in the morning and pay that much attention to the speakers on a zoom meeting from 8 AM to 4 PM and of course no need to ask, it cost a back pain lol 

Okay Im well aware of the fact that I need to start my workout again, pandemic really curses me into a lazy person like Im exactly the definition of A Certified Lazy Snail on Earth. Im a Snail hahah or maybe I even lazier than a snail??? I guess so. Dad always preach me to get out of bed and do some jog and Mom wouldnt stop telling me to take my meals 3 times a day cause when I spend my times in my room mostly I just sleep and I dont think I need that much food to eat plspls i hope my bf do not find out nor read this post cause he's gonna get MADDD when he discover I didnt take care of myself. ok this whole things are a confession of my unhealthy habits during my post college (lazy unemployed pathetic boring) days. okay kiddosss dont be like me. you guys should wake up early, take a shower, get dress, take your breakfast and JUST DONT BE LIKE ME.

Two of my cats died

what makes me way even sad was the fact that i lost my cats within a week, I was busy doing my OJT and my brother was at school. my mom called me from the backyard cause she found Miko the cat laying down and breathing heavily like he wanna scream but he couldnt. my brother then pick him up but we didnt have enough time to get him to the vet, and Peter James Sudjatmiko aka Miko our cute black cat died that evening. 

the next week another cat died, Wishkey. too much pain and grief and I dont wanna say much about the cats:( good bye Miko and Wishkey, we love you.

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That's my January and I hope February will bring much joy and happiness

2021 and everything in between

2021, what a year! It is so mind blowing to remember the low lows that i had back in 2021 and yet i survived. All those hardship, tears that i always hesitate to share, stories that i kept to myself, unfinished deep talk that still haunts me, and sad nights that inspire me to keep writing stuff on my blog. It's been a good year, full of surprises, i even did travel a lottt. 2021 was a blast, i got to visit new places, made new friends, met new people, got lost into some random meaningful night convos with some friends. it was a good experience to learn something new, to go to places i've never been to, to make friends and get along with the random talks and laughs. Im a socially awkward and a hardcore introvert, i could just spend my whole year inside my room and talk to none but, 2021 has brought me to discover things outside my comfort zone. Talking to people, making new friends, acting cool when i was actually very nervous, exploring new places, and way more things i had tried in 2021. Im sorry i had to go through what i did but im grateful enough to be where i am now.

I hope everyone doing just well and having their new year resolutions in hand but if you dont feel like into it and that's okay. I have been enjoying my life, avoiding people and social interaction, focus on myself and scrolling down my timeline on the phone and updating on what's people been doing recently on insta. in short, staying all day in my room, do nothing, day dreaming, and sleeping HAHAHA .

though I know maybe some of you worrying about this new year thing which mean gonna get ourselves a year older than last year and for some reasons a bitter truth about how society keeps telling us to do some big things and achieve more when in fact deep down we are just not ready yet to be an adult. friends have been sharing that it's kinda overwhelming and too much??? but somehow I am grateful and relieved knowing that it's normal to feel that way.