yesterday, when the sky was pretty in purple

A pleasant Sunday morning at the beginning of October when the wind blew gently after all the longing, warm hugs in the midst of solitude, tranquil clear blue sky up above. Ocean breeze, calm waves, your brown eyes, the rest of the day was perfect. it was October and your presence; evening came early and the air remains warm and calm, soft and easy evening has arrived, the feeling of sun's warmth during a cold winter, a moment of surreal serenity after all. 

the sound of the calm crashing waves remind me of that Saturday afternoon last year when we had our random picnic out of the blue at the white sand beach near the harbor. white sands, cold wind, hot sunny day, funny how some certain smells could remind us of someone. the smell of your perfume which become my favorite; it always reminds me of the spring by the bay. 

I really don't tell you this enough
but...
you are my favorite constellation on the northern sky to look at
my favorite book to read
my favorite sunrise
my favorite hand to hold
my favorite shoulder to lean on
my favorite human

moonlight in a quiet garden, a 5 pm kinda love, midnight gaze at the moon beneath the clear sky full of star, unplanned trips all along the north bay. white chocolate that you gave me out of nowhere when we had our late lunch at McDonald's, the way you told me about your mom and your white chocolate blocks she bought at a local market back home when you were kid. you are sweet like a hand written letter that you just wrote last evening when the sun almost sets and the sky was pretty in purple. 

"how many stars are up there in the night's sea?" you asked, and you would say ninety nine, only ninety nine. black washed denim jacket, dark navy blue shirt, and a black hat on your head, with that particular perfume of yours. upon the shores of the bluish ocean, through the corridors of words left unsaid, it is finally be said in letters. old fashion ways; 18th century. 

in the fragments of dream, and lingering wishes. whispering winds carrying echo of our prayers and wishful hope. in the depth of longing I find solace and peace. each sunset brings promise of another episode of tomorrow. in a far away land, we found a tapestry of smile under the shimmering light of the galaxy up above the mid night sky. 

the soft smell of a burnt hazelnut and sweet caramel coming from the white-tiled small kitchen behind me, cold yet warm breeze air from the sea, subtle light in the morning sun on the east behind the hill swept softly outside the building. a dreamy, delicate easy Sunday morning. birds chirping from the trees ahead the green meadow, serene and calming.
you warm my heart in a way the sun never could. 

August of rain summer

"some days in late August at home does feel like this, the air thin and eager like this, with something in it sad and nostalgic and familiar..." -William Faulkner, The Sound and the Fury

a season of shooting star, meteor showers, the night when I waited after such a long long summer. it was late august! the light in the trees, golden hours, long way home, wild flowers between the green grass on the meadow. do you remember the night when I asked you to see the moon eclipse? we both sat down on the deck by the bay, cold night as the air rushed in from the south, bringing some good memories on the day we met. a little town. white sand beaches. calm ocean waves. wrecked ships on the bay that we could see from above the bridge. kids playing soccer on the field down under the bridge. 

when I see the moon, I could clearly wrapped the days I spent with you, french fries, coffee after the sunset, hot tea, and jellyfish.

august of another summer, the smell of iced matcha in the midst of hot sunny day on a Saturday afternoon. 

I think it's nice that we shared the same sky. at times I look up at the sky and I know that we both can see the moon, so even though we are not actually in the same place and we are not actually together, we kinda are, in a way, you know?

"it's raining outside, you are not here. even the clouds couldn't handle your absence."

cloudy evening and handwritten letter. she loves the sky, she loves how it turns into oranges, pink, and even a mixture of red. her heart becomes light as she stares at the beauty of the sky. she loves taking photos of the moon and sunsets as she believes that just like this, endings can be beautiful too. the sky, calm waves at the beach, and sunsets are her healing and it gives her peace of mind. 

august was something else and despite all the odds, the moon would always be there when you look up above the sky.

August 10th 1999, sunset at the beach

Thursday evening, sunny days, and the heart is warmer than ever

I was hoping it would be easy like a Sunday morning,

clock's ticking in rush telling us that our time's limited,

only few hours left before the war

riding through the south, "wanna go see the sunset?" you asked

the wind was cold but you were as warm as the morning sunshine in the summer

all along the way I held you tight, knowing that the evening would fade

you took me to the beach

somewhere we've never been to,

it wasn't really our thing visiting random places but that evening was special

watching the sun sets by the beach

the sky was pretty in color, pinkish, and clear blue like it was mirroring the sea

"lets go see the sunset, but promise that you wont cry" you said

you told me not to be sad (hundred times as I can count)

you told me to always be happy

you, me, and the sea

we sat on a rocky side by the beach,

you light your cigarette as we fooling around and complaining how time flies way too fast

hoping that August would also fly like a blink of an eye, 

you knew how I could sit here all day just to stare at the beach

and with you by my side, I could feel the calm inside me

you let me all sat there quietly and stared at the horizon up above the sea

daydreaming, we both know it all too well that's the only thing Im good at

I like it when you let me do my weird things in peace, do nothing and just stare at the moon and the pinkish sky up above,

I could feel the way you stare at me every once in a while as I breath the fresh salty air

you insisted to take picture of me but I said no because I was shy,

I just wanted to spend the evening with you

behind us was a green meadow, hills, and not so far away from the runaway

"there's no flight here in the evening, the last one's usually at 4pm" you said as I asked you why there's no aircraft in sight

I closed my eyes as the wind blew my black scarf and pulled some moist salty air and dusty white sands into my face

birds chirping, singing their happy song like it was telling us that the sun will set

bringing the promise of the dawn in the next morning

that evening just felt so calm and I feel safe being with you

To all sunshine, rainbows, lilies and happy days that will come after this

I hope you always win in life 

............

Cassiopeia (/ˌkæsi. oʊˈpiː. ə/; Ancient Greek: Κασσιόπεια Kassiópeia or Κασσιόπη Kassiópē)

The days are long but the years are short, life is like a constant flowing river, always moving, always changing, like it or not it always flows downhill on its journey towards the seas, and all due to gravity. and the largest river can be thousand miles long. just like the river, life sometimes gets dry and empty. there are flashes of happiness and sometimes it is just pain and sorrow. but it's true, nothing lasts forever, things will pass and just keep moving, flowing, and changing. happiness fleeting, pain temporary, but love stays I guess or maybe no? or is it just like any other things in life? temporary? it's like we cant do something about it or maybe there's only a little we can do? so many questions about life that we don't even know yet how we're gonna answer all that tangled mystery of the universe.

Cassiopeia, on the northern sky, is my forever number one favorite constellation if you even ask hehe or I would randomly tell you about it if I feel like Im close to you or I feel like Im being comfortable with you, if you ever know about this Cassiopeia thing from me then you would know what that means hehe. there's something so special about the Northern Sky, Cassiopeia; Northern Lights, Aurora Borealis; North Pole, polar bear; and the North itself, Compass and Map. it actually has four points but why is it north (N) as the symbol?

Rainfall and the snowmelt on the mountains, upon constellation up above the sky, there lies stories, not only about the stars and planets, but also galaxies and the moons. but if I look up at night all I see is stars. the same goes when Im with you, I dont care about anything else, but you. wish time would go slower when everything feels better, "can I make another wish, tho?" just like how I wish I could fly to the moon and see how the earth from up above. seeing how small everything is and maybe from up above the shining surface of that far far away galaxy would look prettier. 

a moment to slow down and appreciate the good things in life, the whispering of leaves moved by the wind, the color of stars you see when you rub your eyes, the fear of imperfection, the fear of not being good enough, when you cant think of the word for something, being with the person whose presence can make you feel safe and secure, the moon that dances from afar, the dreams that somehow will finally come true, some random but pure wishes we made under the sun, that heavy rain in the midst of the summer,  and everything in between.

dipping my feet into cool water by the bay under the bridge

sunsets, night rides, shorelines, cute spiders, jelly fish, icy drinks on a cold night, dipping your feet into cool water by the bay under the bridge, tight hugs with the loved ones, kindness of strangers, eating seafood on a random night, thoughtful gifts out of the blue, that one friend who always laugh on your bad days, sincere smiles, favorite perfume that smells freshly good, movie night at the cinema, picnic by the beach, unplanned trips in the evening, lunar eclipse.

all along the east, I don't even know nor did i even imagine things would go this way. a year ago everything was different and now that i look back, i realize that a year even few months can do a lot to a person. life's been good umm to be honest more like bittersweet i guess but I might consider it as "good" hehe. not that I like being in pain nor having some troubles in life but im trying to swallow the bitter pills one by one and enjoy every bits of it. hopefully. life's been a lil bit complicated but im sure letting things go might be the best option I have. as I get older and realize that lots of things aint gonna work the way we want it to be, now Im becoming more realistic and trying to accept whatever it is that life has brought to me. for any situation i promise I will stand on my own feet and face my reality tapi sambil nangis dikit hehe I dont know how much tears left in me but sure is, it wont get dry just because I cried every single day haha jk. talking about life, I believe things happen for a reason and for whatever the reason is I now that someday I will be grateful for the things that happened. I might get sad and cry a little but that doesn't mean that Im being weak, maybe im just embracing myself for being vulnerable and for being honest with myself, eventhough I know it wont be easy at all to deal with "things" but somehow I know I will manage. things will just pass me by as time leaving me behind and the sun will rise and bring more joy after such a long and tiring day. Im not trying to force things and just gonna let things happen the way the universe want it to be. im gonna get along with the ride and enjoy every moment that greet me along the way. 

being in the midst of a loud world sometimes drains me out and that I wanna disappear for a while. taking a breath and enjoy the ticking of every second that passes me by. hiding myself from the crowd, and taking some time alone on my favorite spot by the bay just to let the cold wind blow upon my face as I close both of my eyes. life's been a bit rough lately but it's okay, it'll pass and I know things will get better soon no matter how painful it is.