can I see you anytime soon?

By the midst of February, it was two weeks before my birthday when I found myself almost cry at the warmth of its presence. it was a short meeting. a whole noon well spent at the park above the hill. it was cloudy mid day, as if the sky wearing a veil to hide his true color, yet I could see clearly the cities below the hill and all the greens. The view's quite beautiful, looking at the scenery on the other side of the hill made me feel peaceful. the greens and the line of the mountains remind me of waking up in the country, first thing in the morning when Im all alone. I have not yet spoken to a soul, I look outside at the window and it is serene. If I could only be the only person left in the world and yet, somehow Im not lonely. Im at peace.

as the clock ticking and time passing by, in the afternoon when the sun went to its peak and the sun light gave a purplish glow, it did give me peace and inner contentment to always feel grateful for all the little things. the warmth of that midst February was just perfect and it reminds me to the idea of living in a far away land. where I could hear the birds chapping on the tree just outside the window and the sound of the flowing water from a stream behind the house and perhaps on an island which also offer cold winter yet a warm atmosphere. 

the wind blew and I could see how the leaves fall down from its branch leaving the tree. February was just as sweet as that October evening, and as warm as that December night. Did u know I like the way you stare at me when you tell me stories and the way you call my name? basically I adore almost everything that you do, almost. I still hate it, the way you said that you dont like latte just because latte was originally from America and you dont like most americans. you cant judge a coffee by its origin you know, I said. you should've ordered a latte or black coffee, though. it's been months, can I see you anytime soon?

Life updates

Eyyo! it's been a while now, almost 3 months of hiatus. Another shot of too much feeling and thinking has led me to checking up on my blog. As of college almost comes to an end, which mean yes Im gonna graduate soon. YEAY!! and guess what? my brain has gone a million miles a minute, thinking about all those what might gonna happen in the future and such adult stuff like buying an apartment lol. Yes thankyou, Im well aware of the "being an adult sucksssss, can I just go back to my childhood already" kinda thought. It's become a rarity to not getting myself into troubles, being stuck in a nightmare that Im no longer a kid and I have to drive this self into the right destination. Graduate from college means Im officially an adult and I have to take care of my own life all by myself:) Don't u  think it's scary? the idea of being an adult and a mature human being and the fact that you have to face it whatever comes in the way. I even got that uneasy feeling while watching netflix and finishing my favorite rom-com series. can u imagine?? you cant even relax when you're supposed to feel relax in your leisure time. But Im happy tho, for being able to walk this far after all the low-lows and having someone by my side. 

The journey was never been easy for me, but I know I can manage. Fast-forward to now, approaching my graduation day, some things are still blurry but I can sense good things are on its way. Well sometimes I still feel the worry, anxiety, and the overwhelming stress but I've become more aware of the flows of life and grown to be more sedated in my feelings. My outlook is not of hopeless anymore as I learn that indeed the darkness is bound to be met with the light. Everything's kinda make sense now. Thanks to me for still doing a good job to write things down, putting down the pen to my journal and capture the weight in my chest into words. It's been a source of warmth and comfort to me. Speaking of journey, I still have one more finals to face before I graduate. wish me luck!! 

With that being said, there's a mix feeling in between. when you're in your early 20s and you still have so many list of I wanna do this, I wanna do that, I wanna go there, I wanna go here, I wanna buy this, I wanna buy that you feel like, okay I need to do something. that's the spirit which currently dancing inside my brain. Seeing other people in my age that's already being way more successful than I am sometimes kinda scares me:( haha I know, this life is not a race but... okay never mind we just need to focus on ourselves.  It's totally okay to start small everyday, we all have our own timeline hihi. but please universe make my timeline as good as how I want it to be xixi

Anyway I've got vaccinated (first dose of Sinovac vaccine and gonna get the second shot next month) cause this global pandemic hasn't really gone yet. oh c'mon, dear pandemic get going real quick plssss ur not cool!! I hate u. I wanna meet my friends and I wanna go somewhere I've never been to, I still got so many list of places I want to visit. this pandemic really is making everyone insane:( it's been one and a half year of living side by side and trying to get over this pandemic. Stay healthy and sane everyone! I hope you are all doing just fine and eat well. dont forget ur vitamins and drink more water, ok?;) and always follow the health protocols #1 may this pandemic get over real soon

I think that's all for today, see ya on my next post xx