Cloudy Evening of December

December evenings are a list of cold rainy days that stricken with cold and melancholy as if the past winter came rushing to haunt those whose heart is broken. It's both recalling back all the memories in the past and working on that new year resolutions. To move on and stay at the same time. From letters of last December that I wrote on the yellowish paper in my desk which I kept inside my drawer under my black journal, there are just a lot of memories that I wanted to last forever. Cold mornings, cloudy afternoons, and rainy evenings are those that keep me company and help me get thru the day. Thankiìng them for making my day less alone. Pouring down boiling-water into my cup of black coffee, without adding sugar to remind me of life. I drink coffee so I could a bit frame it as a "life in a nutshell" as my morning baverage. December always has a certain point that somehow makes me wanna move on to January asap and makes me wanna stay a bit longer at the same time. I guess Desember kinda makes me unable to interprete what the heart really wants or maybe Im too afraid to face the consequences ahead? Im afraid I can't be responsible with the consequences. I dont know, I really am. December is sweet yet Im afraid it will turn bitter. Im not sure, maybe Im afraid or maybe Im not. 

I cried at the sweetness of December, woken early knowing that somewhere, someone out there loves and cares about you is really a big deal. It kinda makes you feel vulnerable and secure, which is weird. Im trying to see things in perspective, not being judgemental, and to grow. This month is sweetheart, a list of warm hug in the cold december weather, light on the sky, the sound of the heavy rain and its storm that telling you not to worry about what might gonna happen in the future. The air is still cold, moving not so fast but in a certain speed. It goes same with the people that I meet in December, cold but sweet and I wonder will they leave that fast? I just couldn't take good byes and farewell, I wish people would always stay, Im afraid of losing someone. There were nights that I cried, got attacked by that nostalgic feelings. 

I always remind myself that everything is temporary and so is feeling. The feeling of cold yet warm December always welcome me in the end of the year, sending me sign not to worry much. All the tears, unfinished stories, heart breaks, and worries are indeed being stored all in one at the sweetness of December. Often I just want to escape from the madness of reality, going somewhere, for a little while, to recharge this fragile heart. Listen to the crashing waves of the ocean blue; watch the sun rises from above the mountain; look up at the night sky and lie down on the grass to see the Milky Way, stargazing; road trip to places I dont know; dance under the rain somewhere in the park; Like I said, December is cold yet warm, bitter yet sweet, it brings back all the memories and add up some more bittersweet love story. I wonder how long I would live-on in other people's memories. For I know everything is temporary. 

I believe everything that people do tell you a little something about them. there's a certain dose of truth behind everything that people do. We think we know someone but the truth is that we only know the version of them that they choose to show us. We know someone in a certain light, but we dont know them the way their mother does nor the way their lover looks at them that sees a precious gem that shine like a bright sun in the hot summer in August. 

When I want something with my whole being, but the universe withholds it from me. I feel like Im mad and wishing a heavy rain to wash me under the greyish sky in the midst of saharan desert. In this beginning almost mid December I wish that it will not turn bitter in the end, I hope December to keep being that way, a bit cold but warm and sweet.

*silly girl, she thinks she knows what she wants but she just cant figure it out and she doesnt understand how it will hurt.

November 30th

Just like what people said, time flies, it's the last day of November 2020. hard to believe that we are now closer to this year's December. Well I guess time not just flies when you are having fun but when you are on quarantine as well haha. a lot has happened this past couple months, I got stories, memories, and sometimes worries. in a brief phase of this year's journeys, I got myself into a stage where I dont even know I'd realize something, that taking a break for a while is a part of a progress too. *desclaimer: Im always terrible at picking first line as an opening for my writing, I hope you dont mind hehe.

there's somethingm to be said about taking the time to breath and to notice the current feelings that sometimes being kept aside. often the tangled thoughts and the busyness of life get in the way and we end up just going through the day without getting any value nor even realize for a while that this moment matters. As I grow up, Im aware that the given times for us, human, is a short period of time compared to that whole big bang timeline. as an attempt not to letting time just passes me by, I've been trying to take some pause for a sec or two just to feel things as they happen, to see things within my eyes and capture it inside my head and store it down in the heart. 

as the day flipped away and the sun goes down the horizon on the west, I become fully aware that this life is fleeting. things come and go, and sometimes I just want some memories to last forever but that's not the way it should be. as November approach its peak and December's coming in no time, Im hoping that December may be as beautiful as it should be. November has brought much sweet memories and Im wishing for more in December:)

Representing UNICEF Jordan, Education and Children

Few weeks ago, in the middle of my exam week I joined MUN conference, and I was representing Jordan and my council was UNICEF. It's a pleasure to represent Jordan, back then when I was in highschool I kinda obsessed with Petra, an archaelogical site in Jordan's Southwestern desert. This place also appeared on Transformers movie by the way. I wonder how could people back then built such an amazing palace, carved a rock and turned it into temples and even palaces. Sometimes I want to travel back in times just to visit historical places and get to know how actually people live in the ancient times. 

Okay back to the topic, let's talk about something serious ehe:) Jordan, UNICEF, and children. As we all know, UNICEF works on the importance of humanitarian and developmental aid to children. And Jordan plays an important role in promoting children’s education and rights on a global scale, including helping child refugees from the neighboring countries in the Middle East.

In my opinion, without adequate access to education, we cannot build an ideal and safe society to help the children reach their potential. Children deserve to live in a safe, peaceful, and inclusive environment. How about Jordan's Government? Jordan has made significant improvements for children and their well-being over the years. But children from poor families and displaced children from the neighboring countries are still at risk. 

Therefore, efforts in protecting children’s rights must focus on quality education, empowering a safe environment for the children, and promoting a world peace especially towards the neighboring countries. all children have the right to be protected from violence, exploitation and abuse. With this concern, I think we all should work together to provide a safe and adequate quality of education for the children especially those who are at risk.

See u soon at the campus!!

As long as the sea is bound to wash up on the sand and stars are above you, we will meet again.

We dont meet people by accident, they are meant to cross our path for a reason.

When we meet someone, let say anyone in our life, we have to accept there would be consequences. When the time's come we need to say goodbye, eventually. Time flies, people move, and wound heals. That's my fav line all the time hehehe, been helping me to move on and keep going. As a human being, there's this cycle that we'll always fall back in over and over again, yea what else it could be? Hello and goodbye. 

Ive never been good in goodbyes hehe ga pinter say hello jg sih wkkw cuz im socially awkward and such a clumsy human being:( my friend even said "I dont have a first impression about you, cuz who the h3££ are you??? diem2 ae, febria who???" Hahaha, im shy and I wont talk unless u talk to me first. But when we finally get to know each other dont expect me to stop talking cuz i wont. I'd talk for hours talking about nonsense stuff like what if meteor didnt hit this earth, was there still a chance dinosaurs would survive and not extinc? Or maybe I'd tell you about weird stuff like some random conspiracy theory about alien and mystery of the universe or even stupid fact that my fav animals is dinosaur haha wait was dinosaur even clasified as an animal????? My dumb ass be like "hey yo what else it could be? Plants? Lol u weird" okay guys sorry I know Im annoying and that's just my stupidity messing around.

as you guys know we've been together this past 2 semesters and it's been good to me. I want to thank each and every one of you for being a part of my journey sailing this ocean of college life hehe. And Im grateful for it. I learn so much about a lot of thing. Both good and bad and eveything in between. It's kinda my thing to keep every special memories into words, especially about some memories that I want to last forever. This time Im about to write some kind of goodbye speech or farewell speech whatsoever. Well I was thinking to write it the day before our makrab online but since I cant sleep right now so yea here we go. (2.14 am. Sept 14th)

First of all I need to say sorry if Im always being that annoying and weird friend, bcs I know Im a freak and socially awkward:) also i really am sorry if you guys dont have any kind of good memories with me cuz I know Im a bad friend:(

Thank you for accepting me and all my flaws ehe. 

ok enough for the chit chat before I go too far and annoyed u:) Well I guess u already are hehe #maap so this is like a little note untuk temanteman 4-12 considering next semester we wont be in the same class again but some of us might be hehe. Siapa yg pen sekelas ama aq? Ok gada. hm bye. Canda syg hehe. Should I make it like a proper speech or can I just make it casual? Okay casual it is. And may the speech begin

Im grateful of knowing such kind, loving, and caring creatures like you guys. I really am. We were all just like a lost kid, far from home, tryna to live this thug life, away from family, but now we are home krn lagi wfh:( hehe #paansi #galucu I never thought doing classes online would be this boring but I kinda enjoy it tho haha cuz I could actually lay down on my bed all the time even if I had class to attend #nsfw #janditiru. 

In this hard time ur presence and all your nonsense jokes are what keeping me sane these days. Ur presence means a lot to me #ea #gombal. Tentiran was really a thing and been helping me alot cuz u know im such a dumb:) back then before we know each other, some of you fought, we fought sometimes (q sih g y cuz q lemah wk dan ak sukanya diemdiem bae ehe) but somehow that what makes us, us #ea #gombal #lagi but that was funny anyway watching us having arguments and mocking each other for being too ambiezzt haha 

and now I lowkey miss uni days lol walking all the way from ponjay to campus and being such a joke cuz my kosan were far away pdhl mah engga:) what a good old days.

Here are few words from me to you

To:

Rafly: how's makassar? Hope ure always doing good bro! how's the nonton anime marathon going? haha I bet all u do this whole semester break are just eat sleep anime repeat

Anin: how's the business going sis? Guess ure doing a great job. Anyway happy anniversary with ur one and only hussain sifa, eh? U guys are cute<3 hmm wish I had a boyfriend hehehee canda guys good luck with the ldr:( wish u nothing but a happily ever after. let's do a make up together some time, I mean yes of course you teach me how to do a proper make up haha Im not so good at it xixi 

Nisa: wasup sis? hope ure doing well. Always be that annoying and talkative Nisa, I miss visiting ur kosan and messing around with the cats. And ohh i miss ur laugh huhu do u still remember the "es teh" accident? The one when u drink ur es teh from the panci cuz u have no glass left. Hmm that's what happen when ur too lazy to do the dishes alias cuci piring. Sadar!!!!

Decin: thank u so much for ordering at my store @nextdoorgalaxy_ hehehe waiting up for ur next purchase hehe. Anyway how's solo? I heard some bad news that the covid case were kinda scary there. Is that true? Stay safe, okay?

Devi: thank u for commenting the way I walk haha ure the one who realize it at first lol jadi malu aq. I still remember when u asked me "kamu model po?" At the library after tentiran wkwk i was like lmao hmm n.o but hehe idk maybe i was or maybe i am in the parallel universe *salting *bingung jawab anyway keep doing the hard work and always be devi yg kek ubin masjid alias mashaAllah sis adem bgt diliatnya <3

Dhimas: how's ponjay, eh? Wkwk how's the "dont buy illegal books" campaign went?? Dont know u really are such an activist also a medcen staff wowww how did u manage all those works and still have a good grades???? Crazy. Good luck for all the things u do anyway

Elsa: this luvly sisturrrr with undoubtedly glowing face, huft i hate u what's ur secret for having a god@m# clear skin????? Thank u for sharing some stories with me. Also what's choipan anyway??? Hope ure willing to send a choipan package to me, thank u. cuz I heard it's delicious. Okay im gonna send u my address. hey youre such a complete pacakge, smart and brilliant and cool and a good friend. 

Fahra: my one call away when I have something to discuss about, would always text her the moment i have random thought in mind. All those deep and endless discussion and arguments are what keep me alive lol. Not to mention all those stupid and nonsense topic like "typing ganteng" and "bubur diaduk/ga diaduk" stuff. All those romance drama. Highschool lovers. Till some serious topic like religion, islam, faith, humanity, mental health and all. How I enjoy every bit of it. Long text and arguments. Love it too much. I'd always look up to you for a bigger pov if I have some crisis in mind hehe. Please stay, okay? Ntar ak nangis klo km ga ngasi kabar:( jan ngilang ih *uhuk *cough* 

Dewi: the one who never gets annoyed when I text her gapenting stuff like "km lg ap" "ak blm tdr" "ak ngantuk" "ak blm makan" "ak mo pup" well yea she's like my boyfriend lol. Also she's always sending me pics of donut, rujak, doritos kiloan, and many more snacks. Didnt expect we would be this close sis, thank u pjj bcs of u i finally find my soulmate. Ew. G. Jan geer km. Pls dont make me jealous of ur keuwuan with ur boyfriend!!!! Dont ever tell me "ak kgn doi" "ak abis telfonan" bye bgtttt. Ak uwuphobia. Titik. anyway I'll keep texting u nonsense stuff like usual biar km geli!

Fristi: hey there! You are so warm, smart, and humble, ur inner beauty is like a rainbow. So pretty. I love ur personality, u dont talk much but ur fun. Also pls tell me how to be calm and stay chill all the time?? MashaAllah may Allah bless u always. Im ur fan anyway. Keep being u!

Hesti: still remember clearly the heart attack we got in padavid class huft but upik did it, she won the gambreng haha.  Thank you for being such a good kkm partner, ur works are amazing. U understand all the bansos and the nib iumk stuff huft. Bye kkm. Finally we did it. Cheers!

Imas: omg this one is crazy, my late night talk buddy. When I couldnt sleep I'd text her and out of nowhere it'd become such an overwhelming discussion. We have different approach toward things but that's what makes our discussion interesting and it helps me a lot to see things from a different perspective. She's more into realistic person while me, im not so realistic ehe. Ur judgement is just precisely accurate. Also she knows I love wearing my red bandana wkwk #gapenting I still remember when we discuss about beauty standard, u were saying the only beauty we need is confidence:) and for that I'd always be a proud potato I mean who cares about pretty face when we have so much more value within ourselves hehe. this sistur had so much complicated and interesting stories. Never get bored listen to all her sambat thing and tulul story haha. 

Kadek: balinese, when I go to Bali some time I'd def call u and ask u to be my tour guide!!! How it feels to live in Bali anyway????? Must be really interesting. Bali's such a heaven. Anyway thank u for waiting up for me at the bakso pjmi with upik and talking for hours back then after makrab cuz my housemate took so long for picking me up hehe. Ure very kind. I like u for being such a humble creature.

Kevin: I still remember the day u offer me risol mayo when u were danusan pas awal2 kelas hahaha paansi #gajelas anyw always keep up the good work you've been doing. Good luck Pinn!!

April: u cute smol bean keep it up and reach up high. I like it when u share ur opinion about something in class, detail and just WoW like how can u have such brilliant point of view??

Mifta: u should prolly join Dila in WADH cuz I know u got skill in dancing!!! Never get tired of fangirling-an, huh? Wishing u can meet ur oppa v soon ehe

Mira: never really talked any serious topic with this one cuz she's that "yaelah, gosah dipikir" kind of person. Anti-ponjay club "kosan lu tuh jauh bet njir". -Mira the whole time I asked her to jemput w klo ngajak maen. She slept at my kosan few times cuz we got home too late at night after hanging out or muter2 bintaro just with the two of us late at night. Ur look is undoubtedly galak and preman but i know ure just like a hellokitty inside alias lemah and u cry often when life's just so hard. Also wtf dude u even cried in public after macroecon exam like really??? Nvm that's okay, also I still remember clearly when you called me on the phone when studying macro at night on exam week and crying cuz u just hate macroecon so much haha tbh I was gonna laugh knowing how sensitif u really are. Cute. Aw.

Akbar: undoubtedly smart, brilliant, and amazing human being I know. I like it when u were presenting in front of the class, i mean ur explanation is just simple yet that's actually the point. Anyway good luck on everything u do in life bro! 

Gifari: a total absolute pain in the a$#, my study buddy and also titisan patrick star cuz ure that annoying. who the hell enjoy so much watching people throw up on utube and eating up their pukes and u did rewatch it few times likeeee ewwww??? Bro seriously u need to see a doctor!
It prolly gonna take more than ten paragraphs long to write down all ur stupid jokes and those late night stories and obrolan ngomongin idup lol. Ur realistic @$s somehow got me think like omg are u sure???? How can u live like that??? And yea youre right semua akan realistis pada waktunya #sensei #dwight #rolemodel kadang suka bener lu ye klo ngomong. Papa Mikel bangga padamu.
Hey yo lowkey sadboi, I know u might be bored, tired, and muak listening to my nonsense humor and sambat idup thing hehe maap y.
suka ngeselin and ambekan ew but thank u bgt half brother half best half half half personal gojek gw back then in ngampus days hehe. Whatever u do in life, pls always remember this one, don't be an idiot! Dan jan lupa ama temen ehe. YaAllah cringe bat gw, dah ah.

Nizar: this one is superb, undoubtedly smart in general knowledge and history and geography and what else man????? Crazy. I salute u!

Mubarok: hey yo being insecure is normal sometimes but dont let it consume u. When u feel ure not good enough, it's just ur anxiety telling u lies. Don't let others bring u down, okay? Anyway do tell Pak Huda no need to worry, Ive done my job, making sure u didnt come late in class haha. Please send my greeting to Pak Huda hehe mugi sehat selalu nggih pak.
Pak Huda, ini Febi tolong ya pak rizki dikondisikan hehe, klo kelas malah ditinggal bal2an pak:)
This one friend is beban tiada kira "pap ro" "kirim jawaban" "gugah jam 7" "nek ra ngabari telfon" that's all template text I remember about this dumbass this whole semester. Nothing else. 

Nanda: my luvly GA, thank u for always making sure Im awake when we had class to attend. Cant thank u enough. Stay safe and healthy, okay sis? this one is smart, humble, loving, and caring. thank you for being such an amazing soul. good luck for everything u do in life nannnn

Lia: crazy. Smart. Super extrovert. Promo hunter back then in kampus days. Always have that out of the box ideas especially when arranging events. Yea I mean makrab and stuff:) you'd make a good event organizer in the future sis hehe or maybe WO hahaha. Im totally support u to make some big event in the future hehe who knows if you'd be into that EO thing. Duidnya banyak ntar #always #moneyoriented:)

Pm: omg ya rabb ya karim this one's brilliant, please tell me how to have bunch of amazing ideas like seriously why you always being that "paham" student in class huhu i cannot. Dont lie to me spill the secret right now im insist!!

Upiq: dont ever again cry over a piece of paper, okay? we all know exam sucks but let just make fun of it ehehehhehe cheers to upik my sambat friend also thank u for stopping by at my blog reading my nonsense messy writing and tangled thoughts haha. Miss u lets go to another new year eve celebration again some time, eh? 

Putri: holy molly how to get straight As in class?? Ure confident and smart and I adore u, good luck with the japanese lesson hehe May Allah make it all easy for u to continue ur education there, eh? Aamiin

Didin: yaAllah astaghfirullah allahuakbar I know this whole online classes are super hard for u considering ure a total extrovert lol. Anyway always keep that medok accent in u haha ure the most njawani person Ive ever met. Keep that in u always! Thank u for being my sobat sambat and holy sh#t ure so julid astaghfirullah sis, sadar!!!

Riadi: hey there, how's Medan? Hope ure always doing great. Ure like the most quiet person I've ever met and ur unique and rare. Keep being you! 

Dila: should be joining blackpink haha cuz ure so good at dancing:) i miss being hugged by u after exammmmm, u still owe me a cake as an oleh-oleh from ur hometown, remember? Hahaha hope to see u at the campus vvvvvv soon. Good luck for everything sis

Ruth: I like ur middle name hahaha also why re u so calm and lady-like omgggg I cannot:( dont let exam bring u down, trust me you can do it and dont panic. Good luck!

Safira: hufttt bucin 24/7 hmm go awayyyy Im uwuphobia!!! Canda syg, can u pls stay using some certain skin care products???? I mean ure like always changing ur products and preloving the others to buy a new one hahaha nvm let's be having a clear skin together, eh? Hey dont ever panic over exam, okay? I know ure capable of doing the best. Ure such a good friend and a cat mama xixixi send my greetings to ur babiessssss

Salsa: how can someone be that dedicated, hard working and smart like u??? Thxu for making tons of soal-soal on insta, been helping me a lot hehe Thxu for being such an amazing person! Let's eat together at cak ali some other time, eh? Dont panic seeing me add that much sambel on my plate hahaha

Sandra: holy molly holy cow I cant say anything to this one robot lol how the f did u manage to study all the time like oh boii u need a life haha wait no ur life is for studying. Never get tired of nentirin us for free hehe thxu for all the dedication as paketua, you've done a good job sir. Salute. Good luck with the utube adsense lol cant say much but thxu for helping me out when I got stuck in some complicated maze of what so called matkul2 ajib. 

Bams: we havent got the chance to jog together around ponjay haha how's the abs? Lol bams ure a true definition of a pure blood alias tulus bgtsiiiiii:( we need more ppl like u. Keep being that way like u always do! Smart and kind at heart. mashaAllah. Im wishing u nothing but luck:)

Mommy: ur like a mama to us all here, very motherly and ur way of thinking is undoubtedly mature. Àlways find a way out to solve things ofc in a mature way omg ur so cool, im a proud daughter. And also ure so good at public speaking huhu i cannot:( keep being a mama in every fight and arguments that ur kids have in class, okay? Ure such a good "penengah" and problem solver. Good luck for the years ahead!

Venda: ur love story is complicated, can you not be swimming in the pool of stupidity for too long???? I know deep down u still wants luis:) wkwkkwkw no, u deserve someone better! Thxu for all the stories u shared to me. Dont take my advice seriously cuz Im a clueless hehehe i just said what needs to be said based on my little knowledge and judgement so yea it might be wrong:) keep being a cat mama!!! Good luck in finding a caucasian soulmate hahahaha one more thing gila u y betah bgt klo ngomong! The most talkative person Ive ever met, duh

Zahra: first of all, how it feels like to live close to WK likeeeee literally sampingan bgt:( did u eat geprek wk on a daily basis???? Send my greeting to abang WK and pls tell him I miss the ayam geprek so much:( how's jkt anyway? Kinda miss its traffic jam and the mean faces haha anyway good luck zah for the years to come! One more thing I think u better retire from the perPJan duniawi next semester haha i know how hard it is to be a pj matkul huft

Ucil: hey there how's surabaya? where u at rn anyway? Jkt or sby? Wherever u are stay safe and healthy, okay? Thxu for always reminding me to do my job of making broadcast messages hahahaha really appreciate it. Oh boii pls spill how to be smart and having that out of the box opinion and ideas?? Anyway we havent really talked about all those philosophical thing haha u owe me one;)

I believe that we dont meet people by accident, they are meant to cross our path for a reason. And so are you guys, there must be a reason why the universe arranges all this meeting between you and me. And Im grateful for that. Isn't it amazing, so many people in the world, so many ways of living, and here I am, getting a chance to meet you guys in my college life. It's amazing and unbelievable if you really think about it. well yea life's full of surprise i guess.

That's a little notes from me to each one of u hehe it took days to write all of it, so far this one is my longest post EVER hahaha. Thank u for all the memories this past 2 semester.

Cant wait to see u in person at the campus. thank you for accepting this weirdo aka me:) 

2021 GRADUATE BARENG YA! Pls do send me bouquet and chocolates hehehe

I may not a good friend and will never be. Im sorry:( also Im wishing u only luck, bless, and happiness. Cheers!!! stay safe and healthy guys #dirumahaja

MAY THE FORCE BE WITH YOU!

Love,

Febria Ero

Which one is sadder?

It was in the middle of August, when a friend texted me, out of nowhere all of sudden asking "which one is sadder" along with a pic of some lines on a white background that tells the correlations of each line. 

Which one is sadder?

How am i supposed to pick something terrible like that:( Both are such a tragedy and indeed saddd. I could cry a river thinking about sadness and how life sometimes happens to be like a tragedy. Sad stories that's actually not a story but reality. 

First, the parallel lines that have a lot in common but they never meet really sadden me. Imagine, someone outhere might be ur twins in personality, hobby, thoughts, point of view, ect. But sadly you dont even know that person exist at all. You never feel his or her presence. someone who might also looking for us, someone who has so much in common with them. Have you ever felt like longing for someone or something, like the unexplainable feeling of missing someone you never met or somewhere you never visited. It feels strange but the feeling is true. Maybe it's like some complex connection of the universe telling us that we are looking for someone who has so much in common with us but we are just not destined to be met for some good reason.

And then the pair of lines that meet once then drift apart forever really stab me like i cant handle this. This one is sadder.

Imagine a couple that used to live together, sharing stories, telling stuff one another, exchanging opinnion, laughing together but actually never meant to be:( they had stories back then, very romantic but then came reality, something happened. They split up with tons of good memories that stays within their soul. How sad it is to imagine such tragedies. You just cant forget about someone and the memories u had with them. Being awake at 3 am and thinking how u couldn't be or end up with someone u thought are special really is suck. It's gonna hit u like a blast in ur consciousness and would leave a deep wound that stays forever. U just couldnt erase ur memories. It'll haunt you till forever.

Late night overthinking

 

Just finished my sophomore year in college. Alhamdulillah. Also who wouldve thought that I'd be doing my classes online this semester and yes next semester too:) a lot has happened during these times, some are weird. But it's okay time flies and people would leave eventually. I used to be the one who's gonna explode about farewell. I just couldnt take it, sometimes I just really want some memories to last forever, some people to stay forever by my side but then I realize time flies and so are people or friends. People come and go and that's life, but I would really apprecite it if people are willing to stay bcs I know staying is hard. Also the fact that people would come when they need something then they'd leave when they get what they want sometimes got me sad bcs why would you do that, why cant u stay? Well that was me when I was younger. Now I think Im changing too, change is good right? Im used to sad when people leave but then oh baby this is reality:) that's life, it's okay. You cant force anything in life, but you can manage how u react about it. 

I was having this kind of crisis, I was afraid of meeting new people because I know someday they'll leave eventually, only a few who's willing to stay and that's rare. That's why I'd always appreciate someone's presence in my life even if it's just for a while. 

I believe that we dont meet people by accident but they meant to cross our life for a reason whether for a lesson or something else.
Sometimes I still dont want to fit in idk I just dont want to. I dont want to swim in the pool of society for too long nor too deep cuz I know the consequences. 

July

Behind all the busyness and the workload of July's classes, there lay a persistent night story that I wanted to last forever. Something that kept me awake till 2 am or even 3 am in the morning. It was the call of July's wind from across the island. July's been good to me, so far it's my favorite, i mean I dont know what's gonna happen in august but yeah hope it's gonna be good as well. 

All those sweet and good memories in July is well stored in my journal. I like to write down stuff that Ive been doing all day and make list for tomorrow's schedule to make sure I dont lose my track haha. Also it's good to stumble upon that nostalgic feeling when I read my journal once in a while. I know something's gonna change soon or later, I could feel it. People change, time flies, well yea people come and go:) that's life. No matter how hard you hold on that string, if they dont share the same amount of force, it's better to let go. There's no point on holding on something that doesnt want to be hold.

I know this not-so-fairy tale wouldn't last forever even if I want it to be. 

I have so much stories this whole month, giving a birthday surprize to a friend, endless assignments,  studying with a friend on the phone till late at night and often end up talking till 2 am in the morning discussing about nonsense stuff and laughing over our own stupidity. Well yea that's some stuff that keep me sane these kinda days, i mean it's been good having a friend to talk to, to share some creepy stories from the past with, and for a companion when you wanna watch horror movie but ure scared, well yea u can just call ur friend and ask them to keep talking on the phone so u wouldnt feel alone.  

I like how people keep sliding on my notif bar asking whether Im awake yet during morning class and how my friends keep calling me on the phone when I havent showed up yet in class. I believe people are all good at heart. 

July means we've survived this far haha 6/12, a half of a journey in a year. Time flies, and how could I still take so many things for granted:( There's something to be said about taking time and swallowing every single moments it serves. To notice the intricacies of feelings. Sometimes the world we are living makes us ignore the tiny lil thing that stop by, instead we end up just existing without living the moment. 

How July has come to an end is a proof that time's fleeing. July's been good to me and too good to leave:( 

Anyway, Eid Mubarak!! Selamat nyate bersama keluarga:)

Study life #update

Who would've thought that this semester I would attend my classes online. Literally from home. With the outbreak of the corona virus, I could see how the world is changing in any way. Lockdown. Social distancing. Work from home. Quarantine. Stay at home. 

For some people it may be a hell of a time but for some other it could mean paradise. Me? For this one introvert, Im totally seeing it as a heaven:) I really love and enjoy this whole stay at home stuff. Stay in my room 24/7 wearing socks and put my hoodie on. Embracing the cold weather of my hometown and eating my mom's breakfast menu everyday. 

What so weird about online classes is the fact that I could literally fall asleep during the lecture, zoom meeting. It would never occur in my life for once that I'd be enjoying my lecture this much, laying down on my bed during classes while reading the materials from the professor and make resume. That's pretty much what I enjoy the most about online class. I dont deny that the workload is undeniably overload hahah but I really enjoy doing it. Also with the online classes I dont have to do a presentation in front of people hehe. Im not that good in public speech but Im willing to learn even tho i have to keep aside my shyness but this moment im taking it for granted, a whole semester without a presentation nor speak in front of the class hehe.

I dont think I have done my very best but I kinda satisfied of how I could cope with the flow and the workload. This, actually me trying to appreciate my effort and work hehe:)

Anyway, Today is my last day of mid term exam, first time doing exam online haha and how was it? Well the most interesting part is the paper assignments, I have always loved the idea of writing stuff including paper haha i mean I know that's kinda depressing sometimes but it does trigger my braincells to think and force my fingers to write whatever it is that pop up in my head. I dont think that I would get a paper assignment when I do classes offline, instead it would always be get in to a class and do the exam for like 2 hours and then you go back to your dorm. Stress out and complain about hundred pages of ppt slide that you have to understand for the next day. With the online classes, the open-book method is kinda help to lessen my worries. I mean I dont have to memorize all those slides but I just need to understand the concept and the big picture. 

I spent weeks, learning and studying; slept at 3am yet I really enjoy every second of it. Alhamdulillah. Well, Im not that straight A's student. I don't study 24/7 for college stuff and wallow in unnecessary stress over a piece of paper but I have always found happiness and pleasure while learning, discovering new things, and seeking knowledge. Because I know I lack in so many things and I need to fix it or at least Im trying to.

At the moment I have 3 days worth of holiday after midterm exam and Im gonna take it as a bless and take a break from the college-related stuff. Im planning on painting, writing (hopefully I could also write stuff here for the next 3 days in a row), and reading my books *also fyi I've ordered some books haha cuz Im running out of it:) hope it arrives soon, so I could indulge myself into my comfort zone reading books in peace. 

Good luck for everyone who's doing classes online, we are in this together.

Perspective and point of view

It was a well spent evening at the ocean shore. Under the cloudly skies with no stars to stare at, I remember how you told me about your childhood. You laughed as you recalled those mischief memories about how you and your two friends messing around the neighborhood, knocking at doors then run away.

I could see perfectly how your dimples were curved.

you told me about your first time seeing a baseball match in Boston and someone from the bench above you spill her drinks on your white shirt.

You were laughing like a 5 yo kid as you recall those memories.

"Can I ask u something?" You said

"What? Yea sure."

Then you said something in french

"Oh cmon I did have french class in highschool but that doesn't mean Im that fluent." I said as I breath in the warm yet cold breeze of that evening air.

You laugh and mocked me cuz I had spent 3 years learn french in highschool yet Im still not fluent.

As the time passes by, I remember how you pointed out at the sky when a bird flew above us.

"I always wanted to be a bird." You said

"Well let me guess, you want freedom, just like that little bird having his own freedom, flying around without burden on his shoulder."

"Correct. Why you always know what Im thinking?" You smiled and moved your eyes toward the calm ocean waves.

"I have a super power, reading your mind haha. And one more thing, you want to see things from above so you could see in wider perspective. Big picture means better understanding." I exclaimed and I could totally understand what you were thinking.

"Yeah, when you see something in a bigger perspective, it'll make you realize that our judgement means nothing. Everything might be correct in our own perspective. That's why there's always 2 sides of a story. People see different things based on their own perspective." This time I could see how you effortlessly pour out your deep thoughts into a simple logic, unlike me who like to say things in tangled methaporical nonsense way haha.

"And also we will never know how they see things nor how they feel things until we walk in their shoes. walk the path they have traveled, live their sorrow, doubts, fear; feel their pain and laughter.” now you know what I mean by methaporical nonsense way, I always say things in complicated philosophical vague-meaning kind of way:) *is that even a word???

"Each and one of us has a different point of view. And that what makes us unique as an individual." Once again you succed in making a simple yet deep meaning statement. I always like listen to your story.

Things are a lil bit complicated and so are we, humans. With a little times the universe has given to us, somehow it doesn't make us learn and realize about all those beautiful little things yet we still argue over thing that has no soul.

It is true, sometimes we need to get away for a lil while to think, to contemplate, and to realize that life is simple. Beautiful. And full of meaning.

As the sun went down on the horizon, you told me how you were happy and enjoy the evening. And the idea of talking about things in my nonsense philosophical kind of way.

"You know what, I really like talking to you. I wish we could meet again some time." You said as you remembered you have flight to catch the next day in the morning to get back home across the continent.

It really was a meaningful and beautiful evening in the ocean shore. Now I have realized how precious time is and how things should be seen in a wider perspective. Upon things that I ponder, journey that I've walked in, I realize there's this one thing that should be placed in front of the line,

not to be judgemental,

For we never know what others have been through. Their pain, sorrow, tears and laughter.

Under the moonlight and the blink of the night stars I come to a point where I discover a treasure chest. I have noticed how the raging waves listen to the weather. And how the moon could never complain to the sun about its dazzled lights.

For the years to come, I wish you luck.


☆☆☆☆
P.s.

Those story above is based on my own experience with my canadian friend, who is very kind, funny, non-judgemental, and open-minded.  Im just adding a few methapor to make it worth reading:) Hope youre doing good and have fun doing kayak haha. And good luck learning ur japanese!

a few from the Camera Roll

beside all the madness, mean faces, and the traffic jam, Jakarta's just has a certain kind of feeling to it that makes you want to come back, even for just a moment-

It has been quite the busy and confusing past couple months for this one introvert. it has been a little past few weeks of doing my class online, a whole lot has changed, something is indeed never occur in my thought like ever, including how I found myself actually fell asleep few times during morning class in my very own bedroom in my house. so weird. I have been introduced to the term of quarantine, social distancing, zoom conference, online class and what soever this very year. again, so weird. but yea everything happens for a reason, this one pretty much is because of the corona outbreak:) 

It is now my second year in college and throughout my normal days at the campus (the good old days without the outbreak) I have been given so much time to enjoy myself and spend my time alone but this past few months I've managed to a lil bit resist my introverted tendencies of being exhausted by people and crowd, and instead I found myself few times going out, seeing the city lights, visiting new places, and doing things. life always has a funny way to surprise me, in a good beautiful way. the month of November alone has filled with laughter and exciting things and moments worth remembering.

Gultik

November was the month I got to finally try Gultik for the first time. for a long while I've heard about this famous jakarta street food here and there. my friends and I managed to get there after class. we delightfully enjoyed our meal and the atmosphere of the midnight breeze of Jakarta. the place itself was on the sidewalk and there were lot of other people too, enjoying their late night meal.

Plaza Indonesia, Jakarta

also November was the very first time I actually did a late night riding around Jakarta with my friends. Enjoyed the city lights and the skyscraper view along the way. it wasn't a night full of stars, it was cloudy but the atmosphere and the cold midnight-breeze of Jakarta were a perfect jar to pour out all my imaginations, dreams, and thoughts. it was like a fairy tale that bubbling above my head all the way long. I wish I brought my notes and wrote it down all my random thoughts and ideas. when it's above midnight, there always come a deep talk conversation and actually a perfect time to contemplate life.

being the night owl that I am, I practically always get the exciting feeling when plans converge and I end up doing my to-do-list, that pretty much is an achievement for me. but today I don't feel like I wanna check my to list notes and now I find myself trying to write something out of nowhere in blog after installing an app for my saturday class which probably took an hour. well I kinda consider it as a day off after days of sleepless night and tiring days.

Fireworks and new year's eve

at the start of January and the last night of December, I end up far from home in the middle of the night with my friends. New year eve 2020, was the time I found myself watching the new year's eve fireworks in the midst of Jakarta, along the street of Sudirman-Thamrin. beside the rainy night of January first, the fireworks was still amazing and had a pleasant kind of feeling of those nostalgic childhood where I always went to the city with my papa in the middle of the night just to watch the sparkling sky of fireworks in new year's eve.

Selamat Datang Monument, also known as Bundaran HI Monument

beside all the madness, mean faces, and the traffic jam, Jakarta's just has a certain kind of feeling to it that makes you want to come back, even for just a moment-- for the story, for the conversation and for the memories.

Midnight Gazing

As I stare at the glass ceiling above my bedroom
The moonlight staring back at me
For I know only the moon listens to my story silently
Of the tangled and overwhelming thought
That I've always kept within me
If only I could put it in a jar
I'd throw it on the ocean
If only I could tell the stars
I'd send it to the outerspace

In a far far away galaxy
I'll pick up some notes from the universe
As a reminder to always look up at the sky
Im gazing at the million stars
Through the glass ceiling above me
There's always a story to tell
I never did but to the star and the moon

Upon places I've visited
And all the midnight trip
I always took some photographs
As a promise to the future
And a story of the past
About some moments I wanted to last forever


P.s. this one is quite special, first post in 2020, eh:)