I think it's sweet...

a snow goose or perhaps a beautiful whimsy meadow on a warm cloudy day with a gentle breeze. i want to fall asleep whilst reading a book under the oak tree on my lover's lap. 

"you look like a beautiful meadow with lakes and swans, covered in flowers with butterflies and birds chirping; all under a beautiful blue sunny sky with mesmerizing clouds." he whispered. he always showers me with sweet sweet compliments day and night; makes me blushing in every senses and languages. that kind of overly sweet words that makes your heart melt melt.

moonstone; flower moon; olive green; burgundy nail polish, sweet sweet whisper; just because flowers; if i say i want to go to the moon, he will start looking for a space ship immediately. the one who always makes me feel pretty even prettier everyday.  

i am genuinely in love with life. i wake up early and i start the day with my daily mantra (im a witch lol) i love getting ready, doing my makeup, and styling my long thick dark hair. i make eating fruit and drinking enough water as my daily side quest. i do gym on weekdays after work and do my morning yoga on Saturday; while Sundays are for self pampering and slowing down. i love watching people doing their things, i love feeling the gentle breeze of the wind on my face on my way to work. i am fond of spending my time at the coffeeshops and bookstores. i study on my room's floor until my legs go numb sometimes. i read every night before bed and do my skincare before i go to sleep. i love walking around in cities and collecting memories under the orange pinkish sky when the sun almost set (with someone i love most). 

silk night gown with my long hair down, velvet petals perfume, reading book before bed, night pray, cold air, and a cute pair of socks. it feels good to have fun and play with life, to notice the magic hidden in those small little things. a good cup of iced coffee, a compliment message from someone you love, a sweet soft melted cheesecake. the days feel lighter as if the ordinary is where life's real magic lives. i love slow morning, hot shower, not rushing to get things done, keeping love letters from my lover and spraying perfume on it, a paragraph or two on my notes about how life's always been so generous to me, it makes me think like im God's favorite hehehe. 

those calm tranquil night time before bed is my favorite time to reflect, to say my gratitude; about things i love most, about the goals and the version of me that i want to tap into. to flood my thoughts and feelings with love and more love. the night always feels gentle and i feel like im being understood and heard; it's like giving me advices without even saying a word, telling me things are always working out in my favor like it always does; laying down on bed with the lights off and warm soft blanket; in those quiet moment i replay movies on my head about the things i adore. it's like scrolling through my cam roll, relive memories and experiences i had with the people i love. 

life always has a way to remind me that im loved and deeply loved; the blessing feels custom made, heart is full and it makes me smile. someone told me "everything is beautiful when you're looking with eyes of curiosity and a heart full of love" and i agreed. 

i think it's sweet when someone remember those small little things about you; your coffee order, your favorite perfume, your repeated playlist songs on spotify. i love consideration and the way people around me being considerate and thoughtful towards me. alhamdulillah. it feels good to be surrounded with good people with positive energy that grow along with you.

i think it's sweet when the weather's cold but the room is warm with good company. i think it's sweet watching the sea glittery sparkle with your soulmate. i think it's sweet to be loved by a man who writes you love letters and sends you just-because flowers. i think it's sweet to receive packages from a man who works hard to provide for you; to buy you all the things that you want. i think it's sweet to be treated like a princess that you are and not to worry about small inconvenience because you know there's someone you can always count on to; to handle things and to solve problems. i think it's sweet to just rest and know the universe is bending in your favor xixixi.

i think it's sweet to have someone complimeting how pretty you are everyday. i think it's sweet to have someone giving thoughtful gestures to make you feel loved and seen. i think it's sweet exploring new places and discovering cute stuff along the way. i think it's sweet catching morning light through the curtains as the sunbeams slip into your room.

anyway i love the moon (just so you know)

im grateful for the sweet sweet things in my life that keep coming back like im receiving gifts from the universe everyday. it feels like a daily miracle, that kind of magical fairytale.

a Postcard from Banda Neira

in a clean white dress somewhere on the coast, a table for two. black coffee, scramble egg, and a bread. a picnic and the sky, clear blue without a cloud. hot sunny day. falling in love. on the wooden couch by the sea, underneath a brown classic gazebo which cover you from the burning sunbeams. sipping hot coffee, eating breakfast, a small slice of buttered bread. for the egg, save the best for the last you said. it was 7 in the morning. small island. so far away. 

it’s all in the eyes. “i can tell you are deeply loved loved loved”. a bracelet, a swan on it. which i lost on a hike with the apple of my eye. i managed, i got another one. i asked for the exact same one. wearing it reflects elegance, softness, love, peace, and devotion. a proof of how much i'm loved loved loved. clumsy, i know i am, but i promise i’ll take a good care of anything he gave me. anything. everything. 

a matching white shirt, i got mine oversized. it’s yours. a spice island it said. with nutmeg and cloves pattern on the back. “do you believe in a love that is unexpected?” i said maybe now i do. that kind of love that feels like a blanket in a cold cold rainy days. a love that feels like the first sip of a hot coffee in the morning. a love that feels like your favorite meals when you are starving. a love that feels like a cold water in a hot midday. a love that completes your puzzle. a love that makes you feel safe and well taken care of. no rush and just a soft gentle palette. like a miracle and magic. 

a soft love like coming home.

a small rain. drizzle. i swear it was sweet. a far away island. first time visit. yet it felt familiar. it welcome you like home. like a homecoming reunion with your people. 

September

one day at a time, tender and alive. 

mount hike, core memory. trees and leaves. a little rain on the way up, serene and soothing. us two making friends with nature and mother earth. with you beside me even the lightest rain feels like the earth breath softer, settling the world around into something tender. 

a soft gentle love. i didnt look for anything but it came all of a sudden. like a big surprise on a random tuesday night which none expected.

you; thursday night, 9, navy blue, october, 6 pm, sunset, windy evening, warm breeze on the beach, black coffee, fresh sweet light cinnamon scent. 

you came to provide a soft spoiled life.

North

on a vast grand night sky, upon constellations, you are my North star. just like the cassiopeia that circles around the north star. i drawn to your light, orbiting you in every season. 

every turn i take, every season i move through, from time to time, every now and then, in every possibilities, in every realities. you remain; the steady point my universe quietly leans toward. you’re like a gravity, pulling me closer toward your orbit. 

East

timezone is eastern time. the moon looks brighter on the east side of the earth. calm, coastal, beautiful islands. some friendly islanders, folklore and culture. it feels like a love story written in the island. a place too beautiful to believe it is real. the turquoise water, slow breezes, and the warm hospitality. a place for slow mornings and long walks. a place where time feels softer. a place where history and nature blend like poetry. a place where the sea feels like a love letter. 

In the AM

slow waves. everything moves slower; the sea, the wind, even time itself. it’s the kind of place you start loving softly, a quiet that feels like home. it feels like somewhere your soul has already known for a long long time. blue water, warm air, a quiet that wraps you like love, and hand holdings that never let go. here the sea heals and the heart feels strangely understood (in a good way) and listened. 

Radiance

the soft glow it brings into life, the way your love stretches without edges. reaching me in places, like a night sky that only expands, giving me home to breath to be hold all at once. 

Above the horizon

Cassiopeia resting above us, the North Star steady in the distance, the sea breathing slow against the shore. it feels like standing on an island brushed by history and constellation, where the world is quiet enough for the heart to whisper the dreams. and everything feels like an answered prayer. one by one, everything that once only a dream suddenly all checked, and even better.

Cassiopeia tracing her luminous “W” across the night. It’s the way the sea holds its quiet, the way the sky keeps its promises, the way my heart recognizes its home in you.

NEIRA might be it: a love letter written in the night sky and rooted in the soft glow of Banda’s shores.

I just knew im not really into long sail. i missed the island and the memories in between. can we took a flight instead for the upcoming agenda, eh?

these past three times around the orbit

i still remember the day i first arrived here, not much of an expectation; and was not looking for anything at all. i think it’s somehow true when people say what belongs to you will finally find you, effortlessly. three years ago, who would’ve thought everything would be this way; but deep down i know it just feels right to be this way. everything was and still is perfect, sweet and too sweet at the same time. blue skies with countless stars and the moon staring from up above… like sending a message everytime i get so worry about one tiny inconvenient thing “hey im here, why you worry much? everything’s fine and always will be” and thanks to the moon for always making the endless nights feel much more bearable. 

AM; it reminds me it wont go anywhere, it was there all along and always will be

PM; it lights up the dark skies and brings color to my eyes

AM to PM; PM to AM

every day and night

each passing time

i want to hold a little longer in that small moments i lived

with my memories restricted to a polaroid in evidence

i smile, all happy and calm without a storm

i lie down, all rested and feel relieved

i sleep, sweet dreams and full of hope

i wake up, writing much more stories of the upcoming good days with a pink glittery pen

is it all make sense by now? it is, it always has been

just like what the moon said since the very first day of it all: no worries i got you, always.

and how do i explain things to people? 

the moon said: no need and why would you, silly.

three full orbit around the sun

three times around, a wiser gaze

fireworks after one full orbit

another turn by the earth, bringing promises of tomorrow; 

a shooting star

came closer, warmer, and lighter; 

make a wish, make a wish, make a wish

im flattered, each day is different and everyday is new; yet the feeling was and still is the same

quiet, peaceful, and calm; no rush and gentle

each passing day captured in pictures as an evidence of the day went by;

sunsets, clouds, and constellations;

myths, magic, and miracles;

books, stories, and laughters;

how do i tell that each passing orbit was mesmerizing

and that im grateful 

“how do you describe your past 3 times journey around the sun, huh?”

perfect, i might say. everything falls into place and it’s just right as it is.

and the unexpected blessings recognize your silhouette and call you by name…

i drove along the coast at sunset, passed through evergreen and i collected silhouettes of valleys; my shadows followed as i smile knowing how much im blessed and that im actually living my answered prayers. so much things to be grateful for yet sometimes we took it for granted. 

and one day, you realize it was never about the big things. it was the little things that matter all along. little moments that feel like magic, it’s always been about those small moments that make you smile. it’s always that one small kindness that touches your heart and fills it with joy. it’s about the hugs you want to hold for a little longer, the hand-holdings you want to hold a little tighter. it’s about moments of peace and genuine smile you had with strangers you met at a random restaurant. it’s about having a moment of stillness with yourself when you are being alone in your room brushing your hair. it never was about the big things.

you’ve come this far only to worry about the things that happened and a little word a stranger said about you? think again. nothing matters, it never was. 

all the things in between the blue and the pink; the tangled thoughts; the perfume you kept wearing to remind you of your loved ones; your favorite summer dress; your blanket that keep you warm at night; that’s all that matter, small thing that’s genuine and bring so much joy. 

how do i explain how grateful i am to be in this moment, soaking up in so much joy and warm hugs from the people who love me and get me. 

im out of words to let the world know that im beyond grateful of the things that pass me by so gently; weekend approaches, stopping by to let you know time passes, day goes, night comes, and that everything unfolds just perfectly fine and just right. 

moon gazing; to let the night know how quiet and peaceful its presence is. 

star gazing; to let the breeze gently answer our whispered prayers.

slow breeze, stillness, and iced coffee; and the unexpected blessings which come effortlessly calling you by name. it smells like salt, like mischief, like the kind of trouble you whisper about long after it’s gone.

it’s in all the little moments

i can peel my own orange, but i know you would peel it for me without me having to ask. it’s nice to feel well taken care of without asking; life got sweet and even sweeter. and im forever grateful for that.

with eyes closed, i let the the midnight feeling takes over the thoughts, waking up with stardust on my cheeks and a whole constellations on my eyelids. there’s something magical about midnight stillness; it opens doors of deeper thoughts and reflections. the night always understands.

and when the sky turns pretty in colors; that’s when you know the world is a much bigger place of joy. 

i read somewhere to let july be july, let august be august, you can still find peace and grow in the wild just like daisies, peonies, and roses.

June 30. Love.

“did you drink enough water today?”

i took my morning coffee today just like the usual. iced coffee. bitter. no sugar (life is too sweet already).

july; soft and sweet.

poetry is untranslatable like the whole of art; it’s abstract sometimes yet still beautiful.

van gogh’s Starry Night

monet’s Water Lilies (French: Nymphéas [nɛ̃.fe.a])

da vinci’s Mona Lisa

michelangelo’s The Creation of Adam

and if you ask me what my favorite work of art is

i would say “books”

paulo coelho’s the Alchemist

first day of july

we are all a little weird, living a life that is a little weird too. someday you could find yourself stumble upon words stranger wrote about you who didn’t even know a bit about who you are nor who you were yet you crumbled and the world feels like fixated towards you and only you. you might feel the world revolve around you; one thing we might forget, it doesnt, it never does; nothing really matters. 

perhaps this is what it means to be alive.

it’s july, the night may feel endless and yet the moon finds us each night; it always welcomes me with open arms and holds both of my hands so tightly as it wont let me go. (all thanks to you)

my nights always feel warm as warm as the sunbeams on the ocean water in summertime. a calm soothing voice whispers “everything’s gonna be okay” (all thanks to you). 

suddenly the world feels warm, no burden, and so does my heart; it took long but i could finally say “im at peace”; it says so much with so little; a stillness within the heart regardless the storm of whats happening outside. a moment when the heart isn’t racing, the mind isnt chasing, just being.

daisies, pink tulips, red roses, white lilies, fresh peonies; a whole garden you plant just for me. as for july, for the warmth of the sunlight in the garden, for the moon that always finds its way home. i sit among the flowers under the moonlight; the sky above looks so clear in blue with the moon hanging so bright like a lamp, i wrote a long letter to the moon about flowers and about you as well. you are that one of a kind who know how much i love writing about everything nonsense; silly thoughts, random feelings. 

alchemist;

books, perfumes, golds, and miracles

l’été à la mer

dans le souffle des cieux

Les vagues écrivent

et l’été me tient

d’une main apaisée

Cassiopeia (/ˌkæsi. oʊˈpiː. ə/; Ancient Greek: Κασσιόπεια Kassiópeia or Κασσιόπη Kassiópē)

The days are long but the years are short, life is like a constant flowing river, always moving, always changing, like it or not it always flows downhill on its journey towards the seas, and all due to gravity. and the largest river can be thousand miles long. just like the river, in life there’s a thousand flashes of happiness, opportunities, and hope (we need to be all positive about life cause you know you are what you are thinking). well i think somehow it’s true, i read that everything in this universe is energy and so is thought. it’s an energy, the more you put your energy into the positive the more you will attract the good rather than the bad. cause for some reason we perceive reality the way we are. life goes on flowing like water on the river, not only that, as the earth rotates daily on its axis, life goes on serving more and more love, happiness, and surprises. as someone who sees life as something worth to experience for, i always seek for the sweet sweet experience life has to offer. i know there’s a lot of blessing as the sun brings light to the darkness in every day to give comfort and warmth to every living being on earth. and when the night falls, the moon comes to perform its beauty. how beautiful the moon is, shining so bright on the dark sky. the universe is like telling us there’s always beauty in everything you see in life. my take in life is that i always say to myself “stay positive you’ll live long with your loved ones and experience the BEsttttESTtttt out of life” hihihi it’s like my mantra, my daily affirmation to keep on going admiring the beauty of life. i meannnn we are a universe itself experiencing life through human lens (i think). so many questions about life that we don't even know yet how we're gonna answer all that tangled mystery of the universe. maybe the key to win in life is to live life with gratitude? 

Cassiopeia, on the northern sky, is my forever number one favorite constellation if you even ask hehe or I would randomly tell you about it if I feel like Im close to you or I feel like Im being comfortable with you, if you ever know about this Cassiopeia thing from me then you would know what that means hehe. there's something so special about the Northern Sky, Cassiopeia; Northern Lights, Aurora Borealis; North Pole, polar bear; and the North itself, Compass and Map. it actually has four points but why is it north (N) as the symbol?

Rainfall and the snowmelt on the mountains, upon constellation up above the sky, there lies stories, not only about the stars and planets, but also galaxies and the moons. but if I look up at night all I see is stars. the same goes when Im with you, I dont care about anything else, but you. wish time would go slower when everything feels better, "can I make another wish, tho?" just like how I wish I could fly to the moon and see how the earth from up above. seeing how small everything is and maybe from up above the shining surface of that far far away galaxy would look prettier. 

a moment to slow down and appreciate the good things in life, the whispering of leaves moved by the wind, the color of stars you see when you rub your eyes, the fear of imperfection, the fear of not being good enough, when you cant think of the word for something, being with the person whose presence can make you feel safe and secure, the moon that dances from afar, the dreams that somehow will finally come true, some random but pure wishes we made under the sun, that heavy rain in the midst of the summer,  and everything in between.

dipping my feet into cool water by the bay under the bridge

sunsets, night rides, shorelines, cute spiders, jelly fish, icy drinks on a cold night, dipping your feet into cool water by the bay under the bridge, tight hugs with the loved ones, kindness of strangers, eating seafood on a random night, thoughtful gifts out of the blue, that one friend who always laugh on your bad days, sincere smiles, favorite perfume that smells freshly good, movie night at the cinema, picnic by the beach, unplanned trips in the evening, lunar eclipse.

all along the east, I don't even know nor did i even imagine things would go this way. a year ago everything was different and now that i look back, i realize that a year even few months can do a lot to a person. life's been good umm to be honest more like bittersweet i guess but I might consider it as "good" hehe. not that I like being in pain nor having some troubles in life but im trying to swallow the bitter pills one by one and enjoy every bits of it. hopefully. life's been a lil bit complicated but im sure letting things go might be the best option I have. as I get older and realize that lots of things aint gonna work the way we want it to be, now Im becoming more realistic and trying to accept whatever it is that life has brought to me. for any situation i promise I will stand on my own feet and face my reality tapi sambil nangis dikit hehe I dont know how much tears left in me but sure is, it wont get dry just because I cried every single day haha jk. talking about life, I believe things happen for a reason and for whatever the reason is I now that someday I will be grateful for the things that happened. I might get sad and cry a little but that doesn't mean that Im being weak, maybe im just embracing myself for being vulnerable and for being honest with myself, eventhough I know it wont be easy at all to deal with "things" but somehow I know I will manage. things will just pass me by as time leaving me behind and the sun will rise and bring more joy after such a long and tiring day. Im not trying to force things and just gonna let things happen the way the universe want it to be. im gonna get along with the ride and enjoy every moment that greet me along the way. 

being in the midst of a loud world sometimes drains me out and that I wanna disappear for a while. taking a breath and enjoy the ticking of every second that passes me by. hiding myself from the crowd, and taking some time alone on my favorite spot by the bay just to let the cold wind blow upon my face as I close both of my eyes. life's been a bit rough lately but it's okay, it'll pass and I know things will get better soon no matter how painful it is.