….there is no sense to be made

for quite some time I feel like I've spent lots of my days wondering and trying so hard to make sense of life but from now on I have found and seen that there is no sense to be made, it is only life to be lived, regardless. there is no manual book about the ideal of how it should be nor how it supposed to be, it might be quite a bit confusing most of the time but don't you think it actually is the way the universe telling us to enjoy every single moment that stops by, to enjoy every scene out of life page by page that somehow we assume as a plot twist (well, it doesnt sound so bad at some point, hehehehe it's for the plot ykwim hehe just live it for the plot), and not worry much about what the future holds. there is no set of expectations to fulfill, no checklists to complete, just an ephemeral moment to breath and to enjoy this little life we have as a small human being, to love, to be kind, to be sweet, to feel life in all the simplest; little things that we often overlook. 

aint no lie, sometimes I do want life to be like the way I imagine it to be, the way I expect it to be, but at the same time I do realize Im just right where Im supposed to be, and it is what it is, to live is to enjoy those little moments we have with our loved ones.
aint no lie, I still get sad and disappointed some time hehe (just to let the emotions get in the way and not to hold (actually trying so hard cause most of the time all I do was crying) anything that supposed to be felt hehe both the bad and the good ones). I know Im small and weak and i only know so little words and small things could easily touch my heart and make me cry. 
sure is, there will be so many more things to laugh about
so many more moments that feel straight out of a movie
so many more main character moments waiting in the way
so many more people to meet
so many more days in the head to cheer
and there's so much more to celebrate
things may aint seem like a fairytale
things may dont fall into place 
but for now I think it's best just to enjoy this little life and this little moments we have

and so half a century later Im still baffled, fascinated, and amazed at the same time knowing how much that little moments in life truly matters. I am a compilation of my favorite songs, a list of books I've read, a scene of events that forever shaped the way I see things. at the end of the day Im a mosaic of my own broken pieces. don't you think that happiness should  be looked for in the small corners of the room, delicately folded into time and space, don't you think that it's such a gentle reminder of how much we should live life a little deeper, a reminder of how silly it is to actually live in this precise moment, in this exact place with this exact people, billions people never cross path and yet still exist in the same corner of a planet. 

in a blink of an eye, don't you think that there is somehow a little kind of magic tucked away in this moment, how we pull at these invisible red strings in our chests, give so much of us those we want to love right. how entirely insane it is to inhabit this strange, strange world, and how little it takes to find moments that make it all worth it?

yesterday, when the sky was pretty in purple

A pleasant Sunday morning at the beginning of October when the wind blew gently after all the longing, warm hugs in the midst of solitude, tranquil clear blue sky up above. Ocean breeze, calm waves, your brown eyes, the rest of the day was perfect. it was October and your presence; evening came early and the air remains warm and calm, soft and easy evening has arrived, the feeling of sun's warmth during a cold winter, a moment of surreal serenity after all. 

the sound of the calm crashing waves remind me of that Saturday afternoon last year when we had our random picnic out of the blue at the white sand beach near the harbor. white sands, cold wind, hot sunny day, funny how some certain smells could remind us of someone. the smell of your perfume which become my favorite; it always reminds me of the spring by the bay. 

I really don't tell you this enough
but...
you are my favorite constellation on the northern sky to look at
my favorite book to read
my favorite sunrise
my favorite hand to hold
my favorite shoulder to lean on
my favorite human

moonlight in a quiet garden, a 5 pm kinda love, midnight gaze at the moon beneath the clear sky full of star, unplanned trips all along the north bay. white chocolate that you gave me out of nowhere when we had our late lunch at McDonald's, the way you told me about your mom and your white chocolate blocks she bought at a local market back home when you were kid. you are sweet like a hand written letter that you just wrote last evening when the sun almost sets and the sky was pretty in purple. 

"how many stars are up there in the night's sea?" you asked, and you would say ninety nine, only ninety nine. black washed denim jacket, dark navy blue shirt, and a black hat on your head, with that particular perfume of yours. upon the shores of the bluish ocean, through the corridors of words left unsaid, it is finally be said in letters. old fashion ways; 18th century. 

in the fragments of dream, and lingering wishes. whispering winds carrying echo of our prayers and wishful hope. in the depth of longing I find solace and peace. each sunset brings promise of another episode of tomorrow. in a far away land, we found a tapestry of smile under the shimmering light of the galaxy up above the mid night sky. 

the soft smell of a burnt hazelnut and sweet caramel coming from the white-tiled small kitchen behind me, cold yet warm breeze air from the sea, subtle light in the morning sun on the east behind the hill swept softly outside the building. a dreamy, delicate easy Sunday morning. birds chirping from the trees ahead the green meadow, serene and calming.
you warm my heart in a way the sun never could.